"This Will Make You Relax. Now Just Relax." - Love Me Deadly (1973)

It is time to explore one of the most sensitive and still taboo-bursting films of the 1970's: Love Me Deadly (1973), a film full of necrophilia, male nudity, and, of course, Lyle Waggoner.

Some of your universe's critics fail to recognize the importance of Love Me Deadly. For example, reviewer lobianco writes, "A total disaster of a film you can't even laugh at." Reviewer eddie-96492 writes, "Beware - this movie sucks! Bored me to death." And reviewer merklekranz writes, "Even uncut and uncensored, this is a real yawn fest."

Read on for a fuller appreciation of 1973's Love Me Deadly...

"Too Many Male Hormones" - Fatal Games (1984)

Fatal Games (1984) is a fine example of the mid-eighties slasher film, employing the clever hook of being set at an athletics academy where fit young people compete to prepare for the Olympics. In the tradition of Graduation Day (1981), the killer uses athletic equipment to commit murder, though the killer in Fatal Games is more limited than the killer in the other film, using only a javelin.

Some reviewers are somewhat uninterested in the quality of Fatal Games. For example, reviewer Phroggy writes, "Good if you want some noise in the background and raises your eyes when you hear a scream. Otherwise, skip it." Reviewer thesar-2 writes, "The movie was extremely hard to watch." And reviewer blurnieghey writes, "The death scenes were lack-luster and cheap."

Read on for the truth about Fatal Games...

“You Didn’t Believe That Old Lady’s Story About a Legend, Did You?” - Satan's Blade (1984)

The pool of classic regional slashers and porto-slashers is seemingly bottomless. Today we look at Satan's Blade (1984), a California-shot slasher film with (possibly) supernatural overtones filmed in the beautiful snow-covered San Bernardino National Forest.

Predictably, many of your universe's critics do not understand even so simple a film as Satan's Blade. For example, reviewer Logan-22 writes, "This movie stinks. Everything about it is substandard from the acting to the script to the special effects." Reviewer fnv790 writes derogatorily and clearly incorrectly, "It appears to be the most low budget film ever produced." And reviewer rooee writes, "Welcome to the longest 80 minutes of your life."

Read on for the truth about Satan's Blade...

"This Murderous Pack of Scumbags" - Fright House (1989)

We have unfairly neglected the body of work of noted director Len Anthony, but it is time to make up for that oversight by considering part of his masterpiece Fright House (1989), starring the great Al Lewis. We will only be considering the first part of this two-part anthology film, which is called Fright House, which is also the title of the overarching film.

As usual, some of your universe's critics unfairly malign Fright House. For example, critic Zantara Xenophobe writes, "This whole story is both tired and stupid, and I think they were writing this as they went along." Reviewer blurnieghey writes, "This is low budget trash at its worst." And reviewer BA_Harrison writes, "I was totally lost not long after it began thanks to the sloppy direction, terrible writing and crap acting."

Read on for a more balanced appreciation of Fright House...

"He's More Than Dead. He's Ancient." - Last Chance (1995) aka Ghost Gunfighter aka High Tomb

Last Chance (1995) is a relatively obscure Western-themed supernatural slasher film perhaps best known for starring Jeff Burr, famed director specializing in sequels such as Stepfather II (1989), Pumpkinhead II (1993), and Leatherface (1990).

Unlike most films reviewed at Senseless Cinema, Last Chance is generally unknown to your universe's critics. Therefore, I will not gift you with clueless reviews of this modern classic. Instead, please read on for my appreciation of the frightening Western slasher film Last Chance...

"One Fat Zero" - Project Nightmare (1987)

 

It is time to examine the unfortunately obscure science fiction classic Project Nightmare (1987), a blend of 

psychedelic mind-tripping and, of course, 1960s Star Trek. (The film has nothing to do with Robert A. Heinlein's 1953 story "Project Nightmare.")

Predictably for a film about the nature of reality itself, some of your universe's critics have been unkind to this film. For example, reviewer carlos-pires writes, "It warrants watching just because it is the silliest, weirdest, worst movie ever." Reviewer Brennan Dortch Cornelius Thunderbolt writes, "it’s all unequivocally weird and unashamedly dull." And reviewer Paul Senior calls the film "painful to watch. Generally nonsensical, ugly and boring."

Read on for a more nuanced appreciation of Project Nightmare...

“Could She Be a Puppet of the Witchcraft?” - The Last Inn (2021)

The term "modern classic" is thrown around left and right, but it only rarely applies to contemporary films. A few exceptions of actual modern classics include Andrew Getty's The Evil Within (2017), Glenn Danzig's Verotika (2019), and the film we are discussing today, David Kuan's The Last Inn (2021), a film with such intriguing visuals, stunning performances, and unique dialogue that only the term "modern classic" can describe it.

Some of your universe's critics might disagree. For example, reviewer rotini-52586 writes eloquently, "What a herundous movie. Rated this a 1...because there is no zero." (I believe the word Mr. or Ms. 52586 is searching for is "horrendous," and I also believe there is, in fact, a zero.) Reviewer heratyplant writes, "Every single scene & every word spoken is wrong or off, so to critique this properly would take all day, suffice it to say this should be on Red Letter Media's Best of the Worst, they'd love it!" And reviewer paul_haakonsen writes, "In fact, you are in for 1 hour and 37 minutes of toe-curling narrative with acting performances as wooden as ventriloquist dummies, and dialogue to match."

In point of fact, The Last Inn deserves to be seen as widely as possible. It is a unique and special film. Please read on for my appreciation...

"It's All Gone Crazy" - Alien Species (1996)

 

It is time to return to the realm of science fiction with Alien Species (1996), an ambitious regional film featuring sophisticated special effects and terrifying alien creatures from prolific low-budget director Peter Maris.

Shockingly, some of your universe's critics are oblivious to the film's high quality. For example, reviewer blairman-3 writes, "It's just plain bad. What a terribly hacky piece of crap!" Reviewer nelsonramatos writes, "This is an unbelievable awful movie, with absolutely no sense or logic. I was even ashame of seeing it." (This critic should be ashamed, instead, of reviewing it.) And reviewer planktonrules writes, "In many ways, this is like a modern day Ed Wood production....The overall viewing experience is something you just have to see to believe, as it's bad in every possible way."

It goes without saying these reviewers are incorrect. Read on for an appreciation of Peter Maris's Alien Species...

"Why All the Killing?" - Endgame (1983)

 

It is time to venture into the apocalypse again with Joe D'Amato's Endgame (1983) aka Bronx Lotta Finale (Bronx Final Fight). This ingenious film marries a The Road Warrior-style road trip with a futuristic, televised The Most Dangerous Game-style sport, to great effect.

Some of your universe's critics disagree, of course. For example, reviewer Quicksilverkid calls the film the worst movie ever and writes, "Avoid this movie at all costs." Reviewer BA_Harrison calls the film "an instantly forgettable and relatively worthless experience." And reviewer poolandrews calls the film "Total rubbish."

Read on for the truth about the post-apocalyptic masterpiece Endgame...

"The Whole Event of this Scene Is to Show Some Skin" - Destroyer (1988)

We return to the 1980s to discuss Robert Kirk's Destroyer (1988), one of the late-eighties wave of prison-set slasher films that also includes Renny Harlin's Prison (1987), Wes Craven's Shocker (1989), and James Isaac's The Horror Show (1989) aka House III. 

As usual, some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate Destroyer. For example, reviewer quadbastard writes, "The pace can be quite lethargic at times, and the film is somewhat overlong, and seemingly doesn't know when to quit." Reviewer tarbosh22000 writes, "the writing and structure of the movie were slow, bleak, and not up to par." And reviewer FieCrier writes simply, "I can't recommend this movie at all."

Of course, these reviewers are incorrect. Read on for a more nuanced appreciation of a gem of a slasher film...

“The World Is Full of Georges” - Legacy of Satan (1974) - Film #244

The decade of the 1970s was no stranger to cinematic classics; at the forefront of classics is the film we shall discuss today, Legacy of Satan (1974), perhaps the only non-pornographic film directed by Gerard Damiano.

Not all of your universe's critics are enchanted by Legacy of Satan, however. For example, reviewer babeulous writes, "The vampire wears a 1970s pink ruffled shirt and everybody has 1970s hair." (There is no vampire in the film, of course, and the film was made in the middle of the 1970s, so it is difficult to take this respected critic's insults seriously.) Reviewer mark.waltz writes, "Hideous and unwatchable in every way." And reviewer Leofwine_drac writes that Legacy of Satan is "a film which is difficult to sit through because it feels so tame, drawn-out, and dull."

Read on for an appreciation that counters these ridiculously unfounded aspersions...