"I Was Just Really Angry About Being Blind, You Know?" - Invisible Enemies (1997)

Having just considered the theologically sophisticated After School (1988), it is time to look at a later film that is just as sophisticated and entertaining as that classic. Of course, I am speaking of Invisible Enemies (1997), a short film that explores in great detail the Protestant point of view while borrowing some plot elements from John Carpenter's They Live (1988), namely a pair of glasses that allows the viewer to see the invisible world that exists around them.

Some of your universe's critics are unkind to the deep exploration of theological debate. For example, reviewer Armin_Nikkhah_Shirazi writes, "the script is hilariously inept, even if we set the religious stuff aside. The constant interruption of the flashbacks by the superfluous father-son exchange breaks the flow, the characters are cardboards, and the emotional climax involves an absurdly contrived situation." And reviewer AvantEmoji calls the film "One of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen."

Read on for the truth about Invisible Enemies...

“Words You Mumble When You Were Too Young to Understand What They Meant” - After School (1988)

It is now time to delve into a relatively obscure film from the 1980s that provides one of the finest discussions of theology in all of cinema history. I am referring, of course, to 1988's After School, directed by William Olsen, maker of philosophical classics like Getting It On (1983) and Rockin' Road Trip (1986).

Some of your universe's film critics are not intellectually or emotionally prepared for the theological depth of After School. For example, reviewer denisef5000 dismisses the film as "Just a dud overall."  Reviewer mark.waltz writes, "I'd refer to it as the biggest disaster of 1988, but that's far too much of a compliment." And reviewer Groverdox writes (boldly ending their sentence with a preposition), "This is one of the most perplexing filmmaking decisions I have ever witnessed the result of."

Read on for an appreciation of the monumental depth of William Olsen's After School...

“I’ll Rip You into a Thousand Odds and Ends!” - Massage Parlor Murders! (1973)

Let us now return to the 1970s and explore the classic protoslasher Massage Parlor Murders! (1973). (As everybody knows, any movie with an exclamation point in its title is an instant classic.) 

Some of your universe's critics are, habitually, wrong about this film. For example, reviewer damianphelps writes, "This is a complete time waster." Reviewer capkronos calls the film "one big, colossal bore with an aimless and meandering plot, endless filler, padded scenes, lethargic pacing, a mostly dull cast, a sleep-inducing light jazz score akin to what you'd hear in a waiting room." And reviewer lotekguy-1 writes about the acting, "performances below the bar even for the era and genre."

Read on for a more balanced exploration of Massage Parlor Murders!...

“The Wrong Kind of Fairy Tales” - Las Vegas Strangler (1968)

Also known as No Tears for the Damned, Las Vegas Strangler (1968) is an energetic protoslasher full of female nudity and bleak psychological self-hatred.

Some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate such a complex, innovative film. For example, reviewer paul_haakonsen writes that "it is definitely not a movie that will ever grace my screen a second time." Reviewer finercreative writes "Overall, it is of bad quality." And reviewer oldsvovo writes, "Yes the plot is wonky...acting transparent...dialouge [sic] could be snappier."

Read on for a more nuanced appreciation of Las Vegas Strangler...

"A Rodent Can Smell a Man from Ten Kilometers Away" - Rat Man (1988)

Today we shall return to Mexico via Italy and discuss 1988's Rat Man, directed by Giuliano Carnimeo, co-written by horror specialist Dardano Sacchetti, and co-starring one of Italian horror's favorite couples, David Warbeck and Janet Agren. Rat Man is one of the finest late-80s combination of slasher film and creature feature.

Some of your universe's critics disagree, incorrectly of course. For example, reviewer durtalique writes, "Worth watching if you don't appreciate your time, or are drunk enough to laugh at poor filmmaking." Reviewer Stevieboy666 writes, "Expect awful dubbing, ridiculous scenarios, bad acting and a really stupid plot." And reviewer paul_haakonsen writes, "While I managed to sit through the movie in its entire bland 88 minute runtime, I can't claim to be particularly impressed or entertained."

It goes without saying (but saying it I must) that these critics are completely wrong. Read on for the correct opinion about Giuliano Carnimeo's Rat Man...

“Eternal Surveillance Is the Price of Liberty. That’s Why I’m Willing to Go All the Way with You.” - The Brain Machine (1972)

We have covered two excellent thrillers directed by Joy N. Houck, Jr. here at Senseless Cinema: Night of Bloody Horror (1969) and The Night of the Strangler (1972). Now we will consider Mr. Houck's foray into science fiction, 1972's The Brain Machine, a clever and thoughtful exploration of the differences between science and faith.

Shockingly, some of your universe's critics are uncharitable about the clearly evident qualities of The Brain Machine. For example, reviewer mark.waltz writes calls the film a "convoluted and pretentious movie that takes dreariness to a new level of sanctimonious boredom." Reviewer jh122 writes, "The story is very dull. I wouldn't watch it unless you wanted a laugh." And reviewer Chase_Witherspoon writes, "The acting is abysmal, the frequent cut-aways of the pool by the mansion and tall grey building are so over-used they become distracting, and the dialogue is laughable."

Please read on for a more accurate appreciation of the aptly titled The Brain Machine...

"Instead of Having to Take the Subway Every Day" - Maya (1989)

You might recall that we recently sang the praises of Marcello Avallone's Specters (1987). Now we will honor Mr. Avallone's next film Maya (1989), an exotic look at the dangers of small villages that hold ceremonies for the dead in the territory of the ancient Mayans.

Of course, some of your universe's esteemed critics misunderstand Maya. For example, reviewer paul_haakonsen writes, "Don't waste your time, money or effort on 'Maya'. It just simply isn't worth it." Reviewer bombersflyup writes, "It's incoherent drivel." And reviewer BandSAboutMovies writes, "this movie is an incoherent mess."

It goes without saying these reviewers are incorrect, and Maya might be of even higher quality than Specters. Please read on for an accurate appreciation of the film...

"The Computer Doesn't Know Everything, and Neither Do You" - Specters (1987)

It is time to return to Italy for the 1987 supernatural horror film starring (in a sense) Donald Pleasence. In the tradition of Lamberto Bava's Demons (1985), though showcasing only one monster, Specters is a frightening tale of pure evil invading the real world.

Of course, some of your universe's critics fail to understand Specters. For example, reviewer Whovian says "this film makes absolutely no sense whatsoever." Reviewer The_Void writes, "The plot is a complete mess and I found it very easy to get bored." And reviewer Coventry writes, "it's a silly and lackluster film."

Read on for a more realistic appreciation of director Marcello Avallone's Specters...

“An Exchange of Body Fluids with the Mummy” - Face of the Screaming Werewolf (1964)

Let us return to the 1960s for a "monster rally" that incorporates mummies, werewolves, hypnosis, past lives regression, science, and Lon Chaney Jr. The film is Jerry Warren's Face of the Screaming Werewolf (1964), based (seamlessly) on the Mexican film The Aztec Mummy (1957) with additional footage shot in the U.S. 

Shockingly, some of your universe's critics were harsh to this film. For example, reviewer BA_Harrison writes, "In addition to the terrible editing, nonsensical story and poor acting, Face Of The Screaming Werewolf also suffers from plenty of padding, most notably the native ritual at the beginning of the film that seems to go on forever." Reviewer planktonrules writes, "The film is just as awful as you'd expect given the circumstances under which it was made! And, as a result it's rather random and incomprehensible at times." And reviewer captnemo dismisses the film as "A real mess."

Evil Laugh (1986)

Slasher films of the 1980s are an almost inexhaustible supply of high-quality cinema, and the Steven Baio vehicle Evil Laugh (1986) is no exception. As a late-period slasher with copious cruelty and humor, one cannot go wrong with Evil Laugh.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are completely wrong about Evil Laugh. For example, reviewer loomis78-815-989034 writes (employing a well-known metaphor that at this point must be a cliche), "With horrible acting, a bad soundtrack and Chachi's brother on hand this horrid script unfolds like a belt from a bad onion." Reviewer petraliamarco writes, "There's zero tension and 90% of the movie is an absurd plot by one of the characters to sleep with another, while the others are getting killed, maybe?" And reviewer The_Void writes, "Overall, you would do well not to bother with Evil Laugh."

Read on for the truth about Evil Laugh...

“So That Explains It Then” - Shadow Tracker: Vampire Hunter (1999)

This week, we will discuss the low-budget epic Shadow Tracker: Vampire Hunter (1999), an ambitious straight-to-video labor of love shot in upstate New York directed by Joe Bagnardi and written by Bagnardi and horror film expert Bruce G. Hallenbeck.

I found only a handful of reviews (if the hand in question has only two fingers) in your universe for this classic. Reviewer Leofwine_draca writes, "Certainly it's nothing that could be considered a good film." And reviewer Taliesin writes, "The film looks blooming awful, to be honest, and the acting isn’t really much better." 

Read on for the truth about Shadow Tracker: Vampire Hunter...