“We’ve All Had a Jumpy Day” - Bloody New Year (1987)

One of the finest science-fiction horror films from another dimension is Norman J. Warren's final feature, Bloody New Year (1987). Capturing the spirit of 1987 perfectly, Bloody New Year is an extradimensional amalgamation of movies like The Evil Dead (1981), Poltergeist (1982), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), and more.

Shockingly, many of your universe's critics fail to appreciate Mr. Warren's swan song. For example, reviewer lighoff writes, "It's hard to explain how stupid and meaningless was this movie." Reviewer lordzedd-3 writes, "It's garbage and I give it the LUMP OF COAL." And reviewer Randomgirl111 writes, "The writing is disgraceful, the visuals are cheap, even by 80s standards, the music is a broken orchestra and the characters give me headaches. I highly recommend you skip this. Probably the worst horror film I've ever watched."

Read on for the truth about Bloody New Year...

“He’s a Big, Kind, Gentle Person” - The Humanoid (1979)

Something mysterious and forever unknowable must have occurred somewhere between 1976 and 1978 in the realm of science fiction films, because the number of science fiction classics released just after that period is almost numberless. At the top of the list, of course, is the Italian film The Humanoid, one of the greatest adventure stories ever told.

Strangely, some of your universe's critics are unkind to The Humanoid. For example, reviewer darkdayforanime writes, “Honestly, this film is one long collection of laughable clichés.” Reviewer welshNick writes, “In what has to be one of the worst films ever made every left over costume from Star Wars got reused to make an abomination which gives cheap sci films a bad name.” And reviewer Oslo_Jargo writes, “this is not a decent movie in any way. In fact, it is bloody awful and stupid.”

Read on for the truth about The Humanoid...

"This Thing I've Got Is Different" - The Hideous Sun Demon (1958)

Some of the finest films ever made are written and directed by actors, and The Hideous Sun Demon (1958), directed by prolific TV and movie actor Robert Clarke, is no exception. The Hideous Sun Demon is a successful example of moving classical monsters--in this case, a werewolf--into the atomic age.

Some of your universe's critics are unkind to The Hideous Sun Demon. Reviewer 13Funbags writes, “No one should ever see this.” Reviewer planktonrules writes, “The script also is not particularly inspired or original.” And Reviewer Tera-Jones writes, “I don't know what is worse: the cinematography, dialogue, the story, the acting, the directing - it's all bad. Really bad.”

Read on for the truth about The Hideous Sun Demon...

“Now Women Are Chasing Everything in a Skirt” - Alien Blood (1999)

Although at Senseless Cinema we generally discuss big blockbuster hit movies, occasionally an obscure movie is just as much a masterpiece as a big hit. Such is the case with Alien Blood (1999), a British film set in the English Lake District featuring aliens, blood, UFOs, and vampires.

Surprisingly, some of your universe's top critics feel Alien Blood is not a masterpiece. Reviewer spike_jonez writes, “This movie simply should not have been made….This movie is one huge plot hole. It's simply bad. Not even the kind of bad you can make fun of.” Reviewer squlknife writes, “All I can say is, don't watch this movie. There isn't a single redeeming quality about it.” And reviewer leofwine_draca writes, “Plenty of effort has gone into the visuals but the plot is real mess and the whole thing soon descends into incoherency.”

Read on for the truth about Alien Blood...

“What Good Is a Beautiful Sensitive with Red Eyes and a Runny Nose?” - The Witchmaker (1969)

 

It is now time to explore an influential and transitionary horror film from 1969, The Witchmaker. This film combines early-60s tastefulness with late-60s nihilism, making for an entertaining experience.

Of course, some of your universe's critics fail to recognize the genius of The Witchmaker. For example, reviewer moonspinner55 writes, "Apart from the 'spooky' music, amateurish makeup effects and awkward performances, there's not a whole helluva lot happening here." Reviewer dmanyc writes, "It drags soooooo slooowly. The scares are meh to nonexistent." And reviewer pod-man writes, "it is one big bore of an extremely low budget movie."

Read on for the truth about The Witchmaker...

"To Preserve One’s Virtue One Needs a Constant Line of Defense" - The Police Are Blundering in the Dark (1975)

 

We have not discussed any giallo films on Senseless Cinema since The Case of the Bloody Iris (1972), so we shall rectify that oversight now, because, as everyone knows, there is always room for giallo.

Some of your universe's critics are unfair to The Police Are Bludering in the Dark. For example, reviewer Andreas_W333 calls the film "a cheap and poorly executed province giallo." Reviewer horrorlover1026 writes, "It's better to skip this one, because the only suspense is when it will fade to black." And reviewer dopefishie writes, "Some Gialli are forgotten for a reason. In this film's case, it was forgotten because of it's [sic] poor qualities."

Read on for the truth about The Police Are Blundering in the Dark...

"He Could Turn Into...a Frankenstein" - Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster (1965)

Of all the classic Frankenstein films that have captivated cinemagoers from the time of Edison to the time of del Toro, one of the most underrated films of the genre is 1965's Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster, a film so bold it features not only James Karen but also an actual spacemonster. (It features no Frankenstein, however, only a cyborg astronaut.)

Some of the most esteemed critics in your universe, unfortunately, are unkind to this science fiction classic. For example, reviewer rdad writes, "This was a complete mess." Reviewer bkoganbing writes, "Frankenstein Meets The Spacemonster is to be seen if only to see just how bad science fiction can be at times." And reviewer moviemeister1 writes, "There is very little in this film that is even the least bit entertaining."

Read on for the truth about Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster...

“Alcatraz Prison, or The Rock As We Called It” - I, Alien (2006) aka Reptilicant

It is time for us to analyze the science fiction/horror/action film I, Alien (2006), starring Australian martial artist Gary Daniels. This film was made during that golden age when practical effects and computer-generated effects could coexist side-by-side to create astounding imagery that would take the audience's collective breath away. In the case of I, Alien, the alien effects are all practical while the locations, helicopters, etc. are mostly computer-generated. This vibrant mix of art forms makes I, Alien one of the most satisfying action films of the 2000s.

Of course, some of your universe's critics do not appreciate I, Alien, also known as Reptilicant (which title, I must attest, might not give away the surprise ending). Reviewer Leofwine_draca writes, "The scene transitions, the direction of the actors, the editing, everything is horrible here and sinks what could have been an average production, turning it into something truly terrible." Reviewer face_of_terror concludes that everything except for the action star "is quite awful." And reviewer zoran_kamen writes, in a review that praises the film with confusing terminology, "wonder from which planet alien came, this would be really interesting topic for the gifted ones with extra psychic power !"

Read on for the truth about I, Alien...

“Dangerous Glacier Penetrations” - Invasion of the Animal People (1959)

Some cinemagoers enjoy watching Swedish films. High on their list of favorite films, no doubt, is Invasion of the Animal People (1959), a Swedish/American film about a small alien invasion directed by American actor/director Virgil W. Vogel (editor of This Island Earth and Touch of Evil and director of The Mole People), then partially reshot and reedited for American release by Jerry Warren. The result is a harrowing film about mysterious aliens transporting a large creature to Earth for unknown reasons.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are unfair to Invasion of the Animal People. For example, reviewer robertguttman writes, "A lot of people consider Ed Wood's 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' to be the worst movie ever made, but clearly those people have never seen 'Invasion of the Animal People'." Reviewer Aaron1375 writes, "The film is not good as it is such a mishmash of different things." And reviewer soulexpress calls the film an "hour-long cinematic suppository."

Obviously, these reviewers are completely incorrect. Read on for an appreciation of Invasion of the Animal People...

“If the World’s Gonna End, I Want to Know When” - The 13th Floor (1988)

Not to be confused with the later science fiction film The Thirteenth Floor (1999), The 13th Floor (1988) is an Australian ghost thriller with at one ghost and at least that many thrills. 

Some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate the chilling The 13th Floor. For example, reviewer HumanoidOfFlesh writes, ""The 13th Floor" is easily one of the worst horror films I have ever seen." Reviewer arfdawg-1 writes, "I love Oz horror movies, but this is barely a horror movie. Even the ending is ridiculous. Unfortunately, there is nothing to recommend here." And reviewer PeterMitchell-506-564364 writes, "This film is undoubtedly one of the worst and tasteless horrors Australia has ever produced, and that goes double for it's [sic] smarts."

Read on for the truth about The 13th Floor...

“Teaching Communication Skills to the Penguins Down There” - Alien Hunter (2003)

Alien Hunter is a 2003 science fiction thriller starring James Spader that asks the question, "What if aliens came to Earth and interacted with humans for a few seconds?" Although that question had already been answered years earlier in Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977), Alien Hunter adds the highly original setting of an Antarctic research base and the highly original concept of an alien object frozen in a block of ice.

Some of your universe's critics fail to see the brilliance of Alien Hunter. For example, reviewer wabl summarizes the film with "Very bad acting, and a very shallow story. Not even a decent B-Movie." Reviewer adoyle444 writes, "By god does this movie suck really bad." And reviewer adnyuk dismisses the film as "Disjointed - poorly filmed - non directed junk."

Of course, these reviewers are incorrect. Read on for an accurate assessment of Alien Hunter...