Monday, March 11, 2024

“Rats Aren’t People!” - Brain Twisters (1991)

Jerry Sanguiliano's Brain Twisters (1991) is a science fiction thriller that imaginatively uses computers as tools to twist college students' brains so they commit murder and/or suicide. Unfortunately, it is the late Mr. Sanguiliano's only feature-length film, despite it being a brilliant work of early 1990s cinema.

Some of your universe's critics don't understand the intricacies of Brain Twisters. For example, reviewer movieman_kev writes, "This stinker not only scrapes the bottom of the proverbial barrel, but permanently resides there. It can't get much worse than this." Reviewer Red-Barracuda writes, "It's just very poorly put together generally." And reviewer Rainey-Dawn writes, " I was bored, bored and more bored with the film." (As if anything could be more exciting than Brain Twisters!)

Read on for a full appreciation of Brain Twisters...

Monday, February 26, 2024

"I Heard That There's a Problem on an Island" - Zombies: The Beginning (2007)

The late Bruno Mattei's final film, Zombies: The Beginning (2007), is a direct sequel to his previous film, Island of the Living Dead (also 2007). Both films show that Mr. Mattei never lost his touch at making creative horror films that cannibalized bits and pieces from earlier movies to develop entertaining, surprising stories. 

Of course, some of your universe's critics don't understand Mr. Mattei's films. About Zombies: The Beginning, reviewer slothworx writes, admittedly with great eloquence, "This is stupid. I'm a big fan of zombie flicks, but this one is awful and stupid." Reviewer matthewhemmings writes, "This one stunk like the cheese counter at your local supermarket, or that big bag of especially dank green you just picked up." And reviewer Uriah43 writes, "I will just say that this sequel was just as bad as the first film in that it still had a bad script, bad character development and bad acting along with bad costumes and sets."

Read on for a more down-to-earth appreciation of Bruno Mattei's Zombies: The Beginning...

Monday, February 12, 2024

"One Bite and He'll Leave You Flat-Chested" - Death Dimension (1971)

Let us turn our sights to perhaps the most action-packed film ever made, Al Adamson's Death Dimension (1971) starring the redoubtable Jim Kelly. Of course, when one thinks of action, one thinks of Al Adamson, a director with the uncanny ability to incorporate more chases per minute into a film than any other director.

Of course, some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate Death Dimension. For example, reviewer Wizard-8 writes, "This is an incredibly boring movie." Reviewer mhorg2018 writes, "Adamson can't direct, can't write, can't edit. Ed Wood was a better movie maker than this guy." And reviewer michaelRokeefe writes, "Poorly written and directed; you get the impression this flick was done on a budget that relied on a bounced check."

Read on for the truth about Death Dimension...

Monday, January 29, 2024

"They Took It Pretty Tough" - Delirium (1979)

Let us discuss an efficient thriller that took advantage of the slasher film's emerging popularity in 1979, Delirium. The first film directed by Peter Maris, who would go on to make films such as the post-apocalyptic Land of Doom (1986) and Alien Species (1996), Delirium combines a slasher film with a conspiracy thriller and a police action film to create a unique and thrilling experience set in the forests and streets of St. Louis.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are characteristically unkind to Delirium. Reviewer mhorg2018 writes somewhat cryptically about the film, "And Why doesn't IMDB have a ZERO rating? Everywhere someone can review should have that." Reviewer amandagellar-31077 writes, "Everything about it feels amateur which could be forgiven if the script were any better." And reviewer P3n-E-W1s3 writes, "be prepared to keep hitting the rewind button every time you wake up because this film has the power to induce sleep."

Of course, all these reviews are embarrassingly incorrect. Please read on for the truth about Delirium...

Monday, January 15, 2024

"Legends Are Full of Phantoms" - Island of the Living Dead (2007)

Before his death in 2007, director Bruno Mattei released two final zombie films: Island of the Living Dead (2007) and Zombies: The Beginning (also 2007). Island of the Dead, despite its crisp digital provenance, is an ambitious and creative grand tour through zombie mythology that highlights themes of colonialism and religious persecution while paying homage to the zombie films of the past.

Of course, some critics in your universe don't appreciate Mr. Mattei's magnum opus. For example, reviewer Uriah43 writes, "this was a typically bad low-budget film by Bruno Mattei which suffered from a bad script, bad character development and bad acting." Reviewer Platypuschow writes, "If I were to make a zombie movie the blue print I'd make is taking everything they've done here then do the literal opposite." 
And reviewer Michael_Elliott writes, "On a technical level pretty much everything here is bad."

Please continue reading for a fuller appreciation of Bruno Mattei's Island of the Living Dead...

Monday, January 1, 2024

"Don’t Mess Up My Slam-Dunk Murder with Psychology" - Dead Above Ground (2002)

Our movie today is Dead Above Ground (2002), one of two slasher films written and produced by prolific television writer, and Jim Rockford creator, Stephen J. Cannell. Presumably impressed by the resurgence of the slasher film in the late 1990s, Mr. Cannell put together a modestly budgeted film depicting teen camaraderie, occult rituals, axe murders, and the bohemian Hollywood lifestyle that emerges as an entertaining classic.

Some of your universe's critics, however, are unkind to Dead Above Ground. For example, reviewer bombsaway814 writes, with questionable capitalization, "actually the movie is quite painful to watch at first. i finished it floored and amazed at the stupidity of it all." Reviewer dereth writes, "Positively one of the worst horror movies ever. Bad script, acting, music... you name it, they've got it." And reviewer Horrorible_Horror_Films writes, "Its really really stupid. Embarrassingly stupid movie."

Read on for the truth about Dead Above Ground...

Monday, December 18, 2023

“How Could a Pack of Wild, Wild Dogs Do This?” - Lone Wolf (1988)

 
It is time to delve back into the small body of work of Denver, Colorado's Michael Krueger, visionary writer/director of Night Vision (1987) and Mindkiller (also 1987). Mr. Krueger wrote Lone Wolf, leaving the directing chores to John Callas. (Behind-the-scenes information about Mr. Krueger and Mr. Callas may be found in a fascinating article by Matty Budrewicz at The Schlock Pit.) Tragically, Mr. Krueger would pass away in 1990, leaving only a handful of fascinating films behind.

As with the writer's other films, some of your universe's critics unkindly dismiss Lone Wolf. For example, reviewer tmccull52 writes inaccurately, "Even for 1980s schlock horror, this movie is terrible. The acting is beyond atrocious." Reviewer NoDakTatum writes dismissively, "The budget and script lack, the talent is lost, and it lumbers along." And reviewer Leofwine_draca writes, "LONE WOLF is a film too cheap and predictable to make much of an impact."

Read on for a fuller appreciation of Lone Wolf...

Monday, December 4, 2023

“Just Because You’re a Vampire Doesn’t Mean You’re a Superhero” - The Last Vampire on Earth (2010)

Let us continue our exploration of modern classic films with a treatment of The Last Vampire on Earth (2010), a vampire romance between young people set in rural America, a highly original if not unique premise. Directed by Vitaliy Versace, the film is a visionary story about good vampires and evil churchgoers.

Some of your universe's critics, as usual, downplay the success of the film, and even the self-published novel upon which it is based. For example, film reviewer Jesusloveselvis jokes, "I would advice [sic] anyone who is blind to watch this with the sound turned off for maximum pleasure." Reviewer KMRocky writes, "There is no story and no plot to this film at all unless you like watching two teens have unmindful conversations about nothing I wouldn't waste your time watching this." And reviewer floraposteschild writes, "this film is not even good enough to have on in the background at your Hallowe'en party."

Read on for the truth about The Last Vampire on Earth...

Monday, November 20, 2023

"Looking for a Needle in a Stack of Needles" - Spellcaster (1988)


We have done very little exploration of the prolific output of Charles Band's Empire Pictures here at Senseless Cinema, so it is time now to correct that oversight with 1988's Spellcaster, directed by Rafal Zielinski, the famous director of Screwballs (1983), Screwballs II (1985), and Screwball Hotel (1988). 

Some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate Spellcaster, and indeed Empire Pictures as a whole. For example, reviewer SlasherReviewer writes, "This movie was just plain junk, the only thing it had going for it is that it was shot in a castle over in another country." (The country is Italy.) Reviewer Sergiodave writes,"Avoid unless you are really bored." And reviewer BZinkeys writes, "The only true horror I see here is a nail in the coffin of the '80s being dead." (I confess I only half understand what BZinkeys is saying here.)

Please read on for the truth about Spellcaster...

Monday, November 6, 2023

"It Kind of Gives Me the Spooks" - Deadly Lessons (2006)

One genre we have never discussed here at Senseless Cinema is the category of films I like to call "four-wall messiah" films, named after the "four-walling" distribution practice in which an individual or company rents a movie theater in order to present their film. The four-wall messiah genre is a specific type of film in which a usually wealthy filmmaker creates his or her (never her) film and presents himself as a savior within the narrative of the film. Of course, filmmaker Neil Breen is the most famous practitioner of this type of film, but others include the writer/director behind today's classic, Stuart Paul. Mr. Paul's first film, Emanon (1987) was a film in which he played a homeless man who is literally believed to be Jesus. In the ensuing years, Mr. Paul has made various other films in different genres, but perhaps his most ambitious work is Deadly Lessons.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are ambivalent or worse about the film and the message that is Deadly Lessons. For example, reviewer monsieurcs writes, "The movie has no surprises at all, other than the continuing surprise that you'll have at every inept frame that is up on screen." (The same reviewer writes that Deadly Lesson's technical qualities are incompetent, which is objectively ridiculous.) Reviewer  daronhennessy writes simply, "This movie is in-your-face bad." And reviewer Chubbynluv writes, "It should be shown in every film class as an example of what NOT to do."

Read on for a fuller appreciation of the visionary and epic (i.e., 2 hours and 18 minutes long) Deadly Lessons...

Monday, October 23, 2023

"Your Head's Off Screwing the I.500" - Crosstalk (1982)

Let us now voyage to the island/continent/country known as Australia to investigate 1982's Crosstalk, an early computer thriller warning us about the dangers of computerized apartments. Directed by Mark Egerton (assistant director on 12 Monkeys) and Keith Salvat (not assistant director on 12 Monkeys), Crosstalk is an update of Rear Window for the early 1980s, in which the rear window is not a window at all but a computer monitor.

Some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate the visionary Crosstalk. For example, reviewer Jacob Knight writes, "Sadly, this...just sort of put-puts [i.e., putt-putts] along until an ambiguous anticlimax that suddenly makes it’s barely 80-minute runtime seem like an interminable waste in hindsight." Reviewer unclenugget writes, "This was pretty dull." And reviewer ItsLV calls the film an "Ozploitation snoozefest."

Read on for the truth about Crosstalk...