“No More Functional Architecture, Thank You” - Pyro, the Thing without a Face (1964)

It is time to visit the beautiful nation of Spain and encounter one of the most terrifying monsters in cinema history, Pyro, the Thing without a Face (1964). Before the film is over, we will have looked upon his face, which is as terrifying, but not as nonexistent, as the title implies.

Some of your universe's revered critics are not big fans of Pyro, the Thing without a Face. For example, reviewer richardtilley-76559 writes, "It's all pretty pointless, takes itself far too seriously and just affirms the saying 'if you play with fire, you'll get burned'." Reviewer leofwine_draca writes, "It's also a derivative work which reminded me of HOUSE OF WAX and HORROR OF THE BLACK MUSEUM in places although it doesn't have much of the impact of either of those two classic horror flicks." And reviewer lee-96696 writes, "The narrative can be disjointed, the pacing uneven, and the "Thing Without a Face" itself might elicit more chuckles than chills for modern audiences."

Read on for the truth about Pyro, the Thing without a Face...

“The Young People, Underneath All That Hair and Revolt” - Octaman (1971)

The classic monster movie Octaman (1971) needs no introduction but I will endeavor to introduce it anyway. Harry Essex--famous for writing classics such as Man Made Monster (1941), It Came from Outer Space (1953), and Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), and less famous for directing a 3D version of Mickey Spillane's I, the Jury (1953)--created a new monster when he wrote and directed Octaman in the early 1970s, giving legendary makeup artist Rick Baker his first film job. The film stands up as a genre classic made at a time when monster movies were considered old-fashioned.

Of course, your universe's critics do not understand the brilliance of Octaman. For example, reviewer poe426 writes, "on a scale of one to ten, with ten being excellent, OCTAMAN would barely qualify as a one (awful)." Reviewer irvingc writes, "This is schlocky entertainment at its worst and seems to break just about every law of nature I've come to understand." And reviewer Freethinker_Atheist writes, "Easily one of the worst movies ever made."

Read on for a more realistic appreciation of Octaman...

“We’re in Peril So Hold onto Your Hats” - Cannibal World (2004) aka Cannibal Holocaust 2: The Beginning

At Senseless Cinema, we have covered many of Bruno Mattei's classics, from golden age films such as Rats: Night of Terror (1984), Shocking Dark (1989), and Cruel Jaws (1995) (among others), as well as two horror films from Mr. Mattei's comeback before he died in 2007, Island of the Living Dead (2007) and Zombies: The Beginning (also 2007). One of the first films of his comeback was 2004's Cannibal World, also released as Cannibal Holocaust 2: The Beginning. All of these films show that Mr. Mattei never lost his touch as a director of terrifying horror films.

Reviewer taintedproductions writes, “awful…..just awful.” Reviewer Michael_Elliott writes, “This here was an ultra low-budget movie but that doesn't excuse how awful it actually is.” And reviewer Woodyanders writes, “We've got terrible acting from a lame no-name cast…, tin-eared profane dialogue, flat cinematography that makes this flick look like a cheap'n'seedy third world reality TV show, generic one-note characters…, a meandering narrative which unfolds at an unwieldy stop'n'go pace, and heavy-handed moralizing about the evils of the immoral modern media and how so-called ‘civilized’ man are far more cruel, deadly, and debased than any flesh-eating primitives.”

Read on for the truth about Bruno Mattei's Cannibal World...

“And Then…We Digitize!” - Savage (1996)

Science fiction and action can make strange bedfellows, but when they come together in the correct proportions they can result in a classic. I am speaking, of course, of Avi Nesher's 1996 film Savage, starring French kickboxer Olivier Gruner. Like many proto-superhero movies of the 1990s, Savage is a rollercoaster of action and colorful CRT computer monitors.

A minuscule number of your universe's critics do not understand Savage. For example, reviewer grin writes, "If you need a plot, avoid like plague. It doesn't have any." Reviewer jaigurudavid writes, "Poorly acted, poorly written, poorly filmed, poorly costumed." And reviewer fmarkland32 writes, "You will not see a movie as demented or senseless then this mess." (For what it is worth, I appreciate fmarkland32's use of the word "senseless."

Read on for a true appreciation of the science fiction action classic Savage...

“Some Kinky Freak Burglary Turned Tragic” - Scream and Scream Again (1970)

I do not need to remind anyone that the British film industry produced an uncountable number of classic films between the late 1950s and the early 1970s, so today we will take a look at what might be the apotheosis of this body of work: 1970's Scream and Scream Again, a bold film that not only features Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, and Peter Cushing (never mind that they never share the screen and Mr. Cushing's single scene lasts only three minutes), but also combines the Frankenstein and vampire stories with an energetic spy adventure.

Some of your universe's critics are, shockingly, bored by Scream and Scream Again. For example, reviewer Alestrel writes, "One of the worst (most incomprehensible and boring) films I've ever seen." Reviewer happinesspatrol writes, "Scream And Scream Again is a mess of the worst kind." And reviewer ricpantale writes, "This movie is so bad that anyone who enjoys it is beyond help." (Parenthetically, I personally must be "beyond help.")

Read of for the truth about Scream and Scream Again...

“Being Dead Broadens One’s Perspective” - Mansion of Blood with Gary Busey (2015)

It is time to examine a relatively recent classic that includes everything except the proverbial kitchen sink -- ghosts, murders, vampires, werewolves, zombies, witches, and even Gary Busey. I am referring, of course, to 2015's Mansion of Blood with Gary Busey (aka Mansion of Blood). 

Some of your universe's critics are unkind to Mansion of Blood with Gary Busey. For example, reviewer keirondarbyshire writes, "The acting is terrible. Really really bad....Scenes just seem to happen without explanation." Reviewer vhsfordays writes, "There were way too many characters, way too many killers and this felt way too long." And reviewer Tengu440 writes, "It's bad by every measure I can think of....Pointless scenes, bad actors, random non sequitor dialogue, and horror movie tropes and scenes that were apparently thrown into a blender and randomly regurgitated with no context."

Read on for the truth about Mansion of Blood with Gary Busey...

“We’ve All Had a Jumpy Day” - Bloody New Year (1987)

One of the finest science-fiction horror films from another dimension is Norman J. Warren's final feature, Bloody New Year (1987). Capturing the spirit of 1987 perfectly, Bloody New Year is an extradimensional amalgamation of movies like The Evil Dead (1981), Poltergeist (1982), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), and more.

Shockingly, many of your universe's critics fail to appreciate Mr. Warren's swan song. For example, reviewer lighoff writes, "It's hard to explain how stupid and meaningless was this movie." Reviewer lordzedd-3 writes, "It's garbage and I give it the LUMP OF COAL." And reviewer Randomgirl111 writes, "The writing is disgraceful, the visuals are cheap, even by 80s standards, the music is a broken orchestra and the characters give me headaches. I highly recommend you skip this. Probably the worst horror film I've ever watched."

Read on for the truth about Bloody New Year...

“He’s a Big, Kind, Gentle Person” - The Humanoid (1979)

Something mysterious and forever unknowable must have occurred somewhere between 1976 and 1978 in the realm of science fiction films, because the number of science fiction classics released just after that period is almost numberless. At the top of the list, of course, is the Italian film The Humanoid, one of the greatest adventure stories ever told.

Strangely, some of your universe's critics are unkind to The Humanoid. For example, reviewer darkdayforanime writes, “Honestly, this film is one long collection of laughable clichés.” Reviewer welshNick writes, “In what has to be one of the worst films ever made every left over costume from Star Wars got reused to make an abomination which gives cheap sci films a bad name.” And reviewer Oslo_Jargo writes, “this is not a decent movie in any way. In fact, it is bloody awful and stupid.”

Read on for the truth about The Humanoid...

"This Thing I've Got Is Different" - The Hideous Sun Demon (1958)

Some of the finest films ever made are written and directed by actors, and The Hideous Sun Demon (1958), directed by prolific TV and movie actor Robert Clarke, is no exception. The Hideous Sun Demon is a successful example of moving classical monsters--in this case, a werewolf--into the atomic age.

Some of your universe's critics are unkind to The Hideous Sun Demon. Reviewer 13Funbags writes, “No one should ever see this.” Reviewer planktonrules writes, “The script also is not particularly inspired or original.” And Reviewer Tera-Jones writes, “I don't know what is worse: the cinematography, dialogue, the story, the acting, the directing - it's all bad. Really bad.”

Read on for the truth about The Hideous Sun Demon...

“Now Women Are Chasing Everything in a Skirt” - Alien Blood (1999)

Although at Senseless Cinema we generally discuss big blockbuster hit movies, occasionally an obscure movie is just as much a masterpiece as a big hit. Such is the case with Alien Blood (1999), a British film set in the English Lake District featuring aliens, blood, UFOs, and vampires.

Surprisingly, some of your universe's top critics feel Alien Blood is not a masterpiece. Reviewer spike_jonez writes, “This movie simply should not have been made….This movie is one huge plot hole. It's simply bad. Not even the kind of bad you can make fun of.” Reviewer squlknife writes, “All I can say is, don't watch this movie. There isn't a single redeeming quality about it.” And reviewer leofwine_draca writes, “Plenty of effort has gone into the visuals but the plot is real mess and the whole thing soon descends into incoherency.”

Read on for the truth about Alien Blood...

“What Good Is a Beautiful Sensitive with Red Eyes and a Runny Nose?” - The Witchmaker (1969)

 

It is now time to explore an influential and transitionary horror film from 1969, The Witchmaker. This film combines early-60s tastefulness with late-60s nihilism, making for an entertaining experience.

Of course, some of your universe's critics fail to recognize the genius of The Witchmaker. For example, reviewer moonspinner55 writes, "Apart from the 'spooky' music, amateurish makeup effects and awkward performances, there's not a whole helluva lot happening here." Reviewer dmanyc writes, "It drags soooooo slooowly. The scares are meh to nonexistent." And reviewer pod-man writes, "it is one big bore of an extremely low budget movie."

Read on for the truth about The Witchmaker...