Monday, June 29, 2020

"I Could Use a Husky Man Like You out at My Poultry Ranch" - Blood Freak (1972) - Film #181


I assume everyone is aware of Brand Grinter and Steve Hawkes's Florida-set Blood Freak (1972), famous as perhaps the only anti-drug film in which a man turns into a turkey. No matter how great its fame, however, this film deserves an appreciation as a fine example of early 1970s regional horror.

Shockingly, some of your universe's critics are have "fowl" opinions of Blood Freak. For example, reviewer raymondnyc writes, "Bad acting is a staple of movies of this type, but when it's THIS bad it's just distracting." Review dfranzen70 writes (under the review title "Not So Bad It's Good," a title whose multiple negatives I must confess I cannot process), "The shoddy costume manages to distract the viewer from the purely amateurish acting and bottom-of-the-barrel script." And reviewer preppy-3 writes, "The script is terrible and (with the sole exception of Hawkes) all the acting is dreadful."

Clearly, these reviewers would benefit from the message of Blood Freak (i.e., drugs will turn you into a turkey-headed monster addicted to blood). Read on to see the true beauty and horror of Blood Freak...

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

Check Out My Novel -- The Nightmare Archive: A Secret History of Haunted Films

Just a note to let you know I have a novel available under my real (?) name. The novel is called The Nightmare Archive: A Secret History of Haunted Films. In the U.S., it's 99 cents to buy, and it's free to read on Kindle Unlimited. If it sounds interesting, check it out on Amazon. Thanks!


Monday, June 15, 2020

"The Most Traumatic Ordeal a Human Being Can Experience" - Night Killer (1990) - Film #180


Cinephiles frequently point to the work of Claudio Fragasso and Bruno Mattei when they discuss the high points of horror cinema in the 1980s and 1990s. Night Killer (1990) (aka Don't Open the Door 3) is an exemplary work by these two masters, a chilling portrait of psychological torture and experimentation handled with the taste, depth, and sophistication one would expect from Messrs. Fragasso and Mattei.

Oddly, some of your universe's critics view Night Killer negatively. For example, reviewer homecoming8 dismisses the film with the parting words, "For die hard fans of the genre only but don't get your hopes up because "Night Killer" has not much to offer." Reviewer BA_Harrison dismisses the film even further by declaring it "another godawful piece of low-rent horror garbage so bad that it has to be seen to be believed." And reviewer fanatic_movie_goer dismisses the film thusly: "It doesn't have any good characters, the directing is horrendous, the cutting is mushy, the score is bad..."

Of course, Night Killer is not to be dismissed so quickly. Please read on for a full appreciation...

Monday, June 1, 2020

"What Are You Going to Have for Dessert? A Stomach Pump?" - Girls Nite Out (1982) - Film #179


Slasher movies from the early 1980s are always a gold mine of cinematic quality, and Girls Nite Out (1982) (sometimes known as The Scaremaker) is no different, despite the fact that there is no girls nite out (or, for that matter, a girls' night out) depicted anywhere in the film.

Unfortunately, your universe's critics fail to see the pure ore in this particular gold mine. Reviewer callanvass writes insultingly, "This is one of the worst slashers I have ever seen, and I've seen a lot of slashers." Reviewer dagonseve writes coherently, "If the feel of a Slasher title is what you're after you'll be sorely disappointed when you discover that the film primarily focuses on college tomfoolery." And reviewer FieCrier writes dismissively, "Absolutely one of the worst slasher movies I have ever seen. As Jim Harper writes in his book on slashers, Legacy of Blood, 'Watch it if you have to, but you'll probably wish you hadn't.'"

Please read on for a less biased recounting of the seminal slasher film Girls Nite Out...