Monday, February 12, 2024

"One Bite and He'll Leave You Flat-Chested" - Death Dimension (1971)

Let us turn our sights to perhaps the most action-packed film ever made, Al Adamson's Death Dimension (1971) starring the redoubtable Jim Kelly. Of course, when one thinks of action, one thinks of Al Adamson, a director with the uncanny ability to incorporate more chases per minute into a film than any other director.

Of course, some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate Death Dimension. For example, reviewer Wizard-8 writes, "This is an incredibly boring movie." Reviewer mhorg2018 writes, "Adamson can't direct, can't write, can't edit. Ed Wood was a better movie maker than this guy." And reviewer michaelRokeefe writes, "Poorly written and directed; you get the impression this flick was done on a budget that relied on a bounced check."

Read on for the truth about Death Dimension...

Monday, January 29, 2024

"They Took It Pretty Tough" - Delirium (1979)

Let us discuss an efficient thriller that took advantage of the slasher film's emerging popularity in 1979, Delirium. The first film directed by Peter Maris, who would go on to make films such as the post-apocalyptic Land of Doom (1986) and Alien Species (1996), Delirium combines a slasher film with a conspiracy thriller and a police action film to create a unique and thrilling experience set in the forests and streets of St. Louis.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are characteristically unkind to Delirium. Reviewer mhorg2018 writes somewhat cryptically about the film, "And Why doesn't IMDB have a ZERO rating? Everywhere someone can review should have that." Reviewer amandagellar-31077 writes, "Everything about it feels amateur which could be forgiven if the script were any better." And reviewer P3n-E-W1s3 writes, "be prepared to keep hitting the rewind button every time you wake up because this film has the power to induce sleep."

Of course, all these reviews are embarrassingly incorrect. Please read on for the truth about Delirium...

Monday, January 15, 2024

"Legends Are Full of Phantoms" - Island of the Living Dead (2007)

Before his death in 2007, director Bruno Mattei released two final zombie films: Island of the Living Dead (2007) and Zombies: The Beginning (also 2007). Island of the Dead, despite its crisp digital provenance, is an ambitious and creative grand tour through zombie mythology that highlights themes of colonialism and religious persecution while paying homage to the zombie films of the past.

Of course, some critics in your universe don't appreciate Mr. Mattei's magnum opus. For example, reviewer Uriah43 writes, "this was a typically bad low-budget film by Bruno Mattei which suffered from a bad script, bad character development and bad acting." Reviewer Platypuschow writes, "If I were to make a zombie movie the blue print I'd make is taking everything they've done here then do the literal opposite." 
And reviewer Michael_Elliott writes, "On a technical level pretty much everything here is bad."

Please continue reading for a fuller appreciation of Bruno Mattei's Island of the Living Dead...

Monday, January 1, 2024

"Don’t Mess Up My Slam-Dunk Murder with Psychology" - Dead Above Ground (2002)

Our movie today is Dead Above Ground (2002), one of two slasher films written and produced by prolific television writer, and Jim Rockford creator, Stephen J. Cannell. Presumably impressed by the resurgence of the slasher film in the late 1990s, Mr. Cannell put together a modestly budgeted film depicting teen camaraderie, occult rituals, axe murders, and the bohemian Hollywood lifestyle that emerges as an entertaining classic.

Some of your universe's critics, however, are unkind to Dead Above Ground. For example, reviewer bombsaway814 writes, with questionable capitalization, "actually the movie is quite painful to watch at first. i finished it floored and amazed at the stupidity of it all." Reviewer dereth writes, "Positively one of the worst horror movies ever. Bad script, acting, music... you name it, they've got it." And reviewer Horrorible_Horror_Films writes, "Its really really stupid. Embarrassingly stupid movie."

Read on for the truth about Dead Above Ground...