Greetings! You may call me Doctor Pseudonymous. Because that is my name. Too often have I heard some horror and fantasy movies described as so strange they must be from another universe. Indeed, they are from another universe! I have perfected a way to travel from my universe, designated Universe-Prime, to your strange and primitive Universe-X to set you straight about these movies. Prepare to reconsider your senseless views on cinema.
Monday, May 29, 2017
"Anything Is Possible in a Cemetery" - Graveyard Disturbance (1987)
Here at Senseless Cinema, if there is one subgenre of the horror film that is beloved it is the bigfoot film. If there is another, it is the spending-the-night-in-a-cemetery subgenre; see Death Screams and Cemetery of Terror for examples.
But even this beloved subgenre is mistakenly lambasted by some of your universe's less perceptive critics. For example, HumanoidOfFlesh, on IMDB, writes, "pretty lame....the script...is mediocre, the acting is pretty bad and gore is nonexistent." Also on IMDB, Michael_Elliott writes, "in the end there's no real reason to watch this unless you have to see every horror film released in Italy." Woodyanders informs us that Lamberto Bava "hits his profoundly putrid nadir with this hideously botched would-be horror flick parody."
As always, the only way to dispel these atrocious indignities is to recount the excellent narrative elements of Lamberto Bava's Graveyard Disturbance (1987).
Monday, May 22, 2017
"Disturbed by Man's Stupidity" - Tentacles (1977)
We return to the sea again to discuss the excellent Tentacles (1977), a film set in the communities surrounding San Diego, California. Like The Visitor (1979), this film unites John Huston and Shelley Winters in an Ovidio Assonitis production.
Also like The Visitor, Tentacles is occasionally maligned by the critics. For example, Brandt Sponseller on IMDB writes, “Unfortunately, almost everything about the film is completely incompetent….The script is horrible and at times completely incoherent. It may also set a record for the largest number of abandoned threads. The director appears to have slept through most of the shoots.” Also on IMDB, Uriah43 writes, “Perhaps it was the bad camera angles, the incoherent script or the awful ending but it all seemed like a complete mess.” Finally, adriangr writes, “This film is bland, unsuspenseful and uninvolving….I'm sorry to say it, but this movie is not worth your time, because there is never really anything to see.”
Needless to say, these critics have missed the proverbial boat. I must, as usual, correct their misconceptions and describe the true glory of Tentacles.
Monday, May 15, 2017
"Who Turned Your Gas On?" - The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)
As we have seen repeatedly here on Senseless Cinema, bigfoot films are nearly always existential explorations of the complexities and paradoxes of life in our mysterious multiverse. For example, we have seen that films such as Night of the Demon (1980) and Demonwarp (1988) have nothing to do with demons, but they do feature bigfoot. On the other hand, Curse of Bigfoot (1976) has little to do with bigfoot, but it does feature a mummy. No other subgenre of monster movies is able to demonstrate the paradox of existence so clearly as bigfoot movies through the complex relationships between their titles and the creatures therein.
Some of your universe's critics are uncharitable. "This is a must see especially if you want to punish yourself mentally," writes MACREADY-3 on IMDB. "Did not like it at all. Boring," writes Bera Bellatrix, also on IMDB. And lartronic, also on IMDB, compares the film to rotting garbage. "Really, you can't make a film like this and think it will be successful, it was totally awful from start to finish." In fact, many reviewers on this film's IMDB page call it the worst movie ever made, a ridiculous and disrespectful exaggeration. After all, The Capture of Bigfoot is a film by Wisconsin's Bill Rebane, a master of the regional horror film. It is therefore necessary for me to relate the exceptional qualities of this film.
Monday, May 8, 2017
"Excess is What Makes Life Worth Living" - Turkey Shoot (1982)
While most of the tragically unacknowledged classics discussed here on Senseless Cinema are low budget, regional American productions, some are more epic, expensive productions (The Visitor, for example). Turkey Shoot (1982), aka Escape 2000, is another example of a well funded production, this one from Australia.
Your universe's most honored critics have a different view of the film. On IMDB, the_wolf_imdb writes, "This movie is really not bright, not clever and even very naive." Also on IMDB, bdl7421 writes, "This movie feels extremely derivative....it's really just a bit of forgettable fluff." Finally on IMDB, tomgillespie2002 writes, "If you love bad filmmaking, with no social commentary, and no element of surprise or suspense, then you may well love this. But, it is, and will always be a bore!"
Bad filmmaking? Nothing, literally, could be further from the truth.
Monday, May 1, 2017
"The Place That Sells Worms and Eggs" - Winterbeast (1992)
American colonialism and the exploitation of Native American culture in Massachusetts inform the dreamlike supernatural horror of the classic Winterbeast (1992).
Not all critics recognize the brilliance on display in this film, however. On IMDB, EyeAskance writes, "An amateur misconjecture devoid of anything recognizable as production values." Also on IMDB, A-Ron-2 writes, "This is quite simply the most terrible film I have ever seen in my life." Finally, again on IMDB, Michael Wehr writes, "This movie has opened my eyes to how horrible a movie can be.... It makes no sense, the villain is a gay Jewish guy, they all wear flannels, the acting is so bad, there is no plot, the bad guys are terrible claymation products, we don't even understand who actually IS the Winterbeast...it's just bad!!!!!"
No.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)