"You Hated the Plastics and I Didn't" - The Aftermath (1982) - Film #227

There are many underappreciated film genres, and one of the most underappreciated is the middle-aged action here genre, which of course includes Low Blow (1986), reviewed here recently. Another classic of this genre, perhaps equal to Low Blow in excitement, and certainly surpassing it in terms of ambition, is actor/writer/director Steve Barkett's post-apocalyptic thriller The Aftermath (1982).

Of course, some of the revered critics of your universe misunderstand The Aftermath. Reviewer mhorg2018 writes, "It's a terrible little movie full of bad acting and has a contrived plot." Reviewer lordzedd-1 writes, "Saying this thing sucks is an understatement." And reviewer Terry-23 writes, "If you pick this up to watch a serious movie about life after a nuclear war, you'll give up on this in about 5 minutes." Of course, Terry-23 is entirely incorrect, as The Aftermath is the most realistic and educational post-apocalyptic film ever made. Please continue to read the truth...

“They’re Very Nice Persons, Carol” - Black Candles (1982) aka Hot Fantasies - Film #226

Let us continue our investigation of the career of Spanish director José Ramón Larraz, following our in-depth appreciations of Rest in Pieces (1987), Edge of the Axe (1988), and Deadly Manor (1990), not to mention earlier works like Whirlpool (1970), Symptoms (1974), and Vampyres (1974). We will now look at Black Candles (1982), also known as Los Ritos Sexuales del Diablo and Hot Fantasies.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are insufficiently impressed by Mr. Larraz's films. For example, reviewer Leofwine_draca writes, "there is absolutely nothing to redeem it. It's not scary, it's not sexy and it's definitely not worth bothering with." Reviewer Squonkamatic writes, "the ultimate conclusion of the film is silly, pretentious, intelligence insulting, and probably perfect for such an otherwise forgettable exercise in applied sleaze." And reviewer Zbigniew_Krycsiwiki writes, "the film is very slow going, and for the most part the acting ranges from bland to awful."

Read on for the truth about José Ramón Larraz's erotic thriller Black Candles...

"You Smell of Chemicals and Death" - Kiss of the Tarantula (1975) - Film #225

It is, of course, a truism that the finest films in history are always regional horror thrillers, and 1975's Kiss of the Tarantula is no exception to that proud lineage. Filmed in Columbus, Georgia, it must be admitted that the movie contains more tarantulas than kisses, but aside from that imbalance, the film is nearly perfect.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are misguided in their failure to appreciate this film. Reviewer jacobjohntaylor1, in a review titled "One of the worse horror movies of all time," writes, "This is awful. It has an awful story line. The acting it [sic] awful. It is not scary." Reviewer TokyoGyaru writes, "the movie is just tedium and people hilariously spazzing out and killing themselves over spiders that pose them no real harm." And reviewer Skutter-2 writes, "the movie is lacking in gore, suspense or anything juicy or exciting."

 

Such libel cannot go unaddressed, so please read on for the truth about Kiss of the Tarantula...

“I Hear Tell They’re Cannibals” - Bloodthirsty Butchers (1970) - Film #224

 

Let us continue our explanation of Andy Milligan's masterworks with a discussion of Bloodthirsty Butchers (1970). Like The Man with Two Heads (1972), Bloodthirsty Butchers is a renamed literary adaptation--in this case, an adaptation of the story of Sweeney Todd, demon barber of Fleet Street, a character that was originally introduced in a series of penny dreadfuls in 1846. Despite being based on an external source, Bloodthirsty Butchers is a prototypical Andy Milligan film, spiced up with gore, impressionistically uncontrolled camerawork, and scenes of intense, hateful bickering.

Despite the film's unassailable pedigree, some of your universe's critics remain unimpressed. For example, reviewer coventry writes, "The production is one gigantic mess, with an incoherent narrative structure, truly hideous photography, poor lighting, lousy acting and directing, laughable gore and zilch tension or atmosphere." Reviewer HandsomeBen writes, "This movie should be destroyed and never be seen again. It's THAT bad." And reviewer jbeaucha-1 writes, "Take my suggestion, and DO NOT see this movie unless you plan on falling asleep. TERRIBLE."

Read on for an unbiased look at one of Andy Milligan's many fine tales of terror...

“There’s No Way We Can Get Some Vicious Animals to Work On?” - The Man with Two Heads (1972) - Film #223

What would classic cinema be without Mr. Andy Milligan? The question is rhetorical, of course, because the only answer is there would be no cinema without Mr. Andy Milligan. We have already discussed several of Mr. Milligan's films: Torture Dungeon (1970), The Body Beneath (1970),  Blood (1973), and Monstrosity (1987). Now it is time to consider one of Mr. Milligan's treatments of the literary classic The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. Released in 1972, Mr. Milligan's version of the strange tale about Henry (here William) Jekyll and his counterpart Edward (here Danny) Hyde was renamed The Man with 2 Heads in order to cash in on the big-budget Hollywood film The Thing with Two Heads (also 1972), starring Ray Milland and Rosey Grier.

Of course, as with any film by Mr. Milligan, your universe's critics are quick to show their lack of understanding and appreciation. For example, reviewer jrd_73 criticizes Mr. Milligan's entire body of work when they write, "Most of Andy Milligan's films are nearly unwatchable for anyone who demands a minimal level of quality. Static shots that run on forever, unconvincing (to say the least) period designs, and bad acting, that is what one gets with Andy Milligan." Reviewer leofwine_draca writes, "It's not a long film but the pacing drags out endlessly nonetheless." And reviewer Michael_Elliott also complains about the pacing (of an Andy Milligan film) when they write, "even at just 80 minutes the film drags and feels twice as long, which is what keeps it from being more entertaining."

Read on for the truth about The Man with Two Heads (1972)...(the truth being, in part, that there are no two-headed men in the film)...

"You Scrambled the Wrong Egg" - Low Blow (1986) - Film #222

We do not discuss action films much here at Senseless Cinema, so we should remedy that by reviewing Low Blow (1986), starring Cameron Mitchell, Troy Donahue, and of course action hero legend Leo Fong. 

Some of your universe's respected critics are misguided about Low Blow. Reviewer dougriley, for example, writes (with at least a touch of hyperbole, I hope), "Having watched over 5000 movies in my lifetime, I can truly say this is by far the worst movie I have ever seen." Reviewer bzparkes-1 writes, "This movie is shocking. The acting is truly abominable and the attempts at humour really are pathetic." And reviewer Leofwine_draca writes, "An execrable film, so poor that I can't even classify it as an "action" movie."

Read on for an objective review of Leo Fong's action vehicle Low Blow...

"Dreadful Actors, Don't You Agree?" - Panic (1983) aka Bakterion - Film #221

Italian-Spanish co-productions filmed in Great Britain are some of the finest films world cinema has to offer, and Panic (1983), also known as Bakterion, is no exception. Italian director Tonino Ricci creates a memorable monster movie set in the sewers beneath what is either a city full of skyscrapers or a quiet suburb, or perhaps both.

For example, reviewer Hellraiser-1 writes, "It was just terribly boring." Reviewer wes-connors writes, "'Bakterion' (or 'Panic') is simply not a competent film." And reviewer strong-122-478885 writes, "strictly bottom-of-the-barrel stuff and that rendered Panic simply worthless as viable entertainment."

Read on for the truth about Panic...

“Yeah, Cash Flagg. All right.” - Las Vegas Serial Killer (1986) - Film #220

Eventually, all classics must receive sequels, and Ray Dennis Steckler's The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher (1980) is no exception. The Las Vegas Serial Killer--which asks what would happen if the Hollywood Strangler did not die at the end of the previous film, instead going to prison and moving to Las Vegas--was released six years after the original classic and expanded upon the significant mythology of serial killers walking around desolate urban locales.

Of course, some of your universe's critics misunderstand the sequel as blatantly as they misunderstood the original. For example, reviewer jamestkelly-93266 writes, "It maybe the worst thing I have ever watched."  Reviewer Sandcooler writes, "'Las Vegas Serial Killer' is the cinematic equivalent of elevator music. You barely notice its presence, but at the same time it's intensely irritating." And reviewer Woodyanders describes the film as "a meandering narrative that unfolds at a sluggish pace, dreadful post-sync sound, ineptly staged murder set pieces."

Read on for the truth about Ray Dennis Steckler's Las Vegas Serial Killer...

"I Wonder If She Saw That Movie Pillow Talk" - The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher (1980) - Film #219

While we have already appreciated the creepy, minimalist Blood Shack (1971), the cinema of Ray Dennis Steckler includes so many gems it is impossible not to turn our attention back to his oeuvre, which also includes the Steckler-adjacent films Angel of Vengeance (1987) and Blood Frenzy (also 1987). Let us now turn to one of his horror films with an unusually long name, The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher (1980), a film that combines the two primary genres favored by Mr. Steckler, horror and sexploitation.

Some of your universe's critics are not keen on Mr. Steckler's body of work. For example, the respected critic R0SK0 writes, "This is probably by far the worst movie I have ever seen. I'm not even going to pretend that I enjoyed watching this piece of trash. This is quite possibly the worst movie ever made." Reviewer MartinHafer writes, "A terrible film in every way....It's just nasty and stupid--a rare combination." And reviewer acidburn-10 writes, "Stay well clear it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth and only seek out if you have to." I would add to Mr. Acidburn's review that even if you don't "have to" seek out Mr. Steckler's film, you would be well advised to do so.

Read on for the truth about The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher...

"You Have Some Degree of Choice Whether to Show Your Boobs or Not" - Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp (2003) - Film #218

With the massive artistic and commercial success of Bloody Murder (2000), Hollywood had no choice but to develop a sequel, and Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp (2003) might be an even better film than its predecessor. It is certainly a different film, eschewing the flat photography and minimal violence of Bloody Murder in favor of aggressive camera angles, murder scenes that focus on murder, and an extraordinary number of crop tops.

If we were to listen to the critics of your universe, we might skip Bloody Murder 2 altogether. For example, reviewer drownnnsoda writes, "The acting, for one, was still very poor. It felt like I was watching a soap opera (just as I felt during the original), and it was beyond unbelievable." Reviewer zombified_660 writes, "Bottom line is, this movie is total utter trash." And reviewer jmbo-jons writes, "Do not go through the trouble of getting or watching this movie unless you want to fall asleep like i did."

Read on for an unbiased appreciation of Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp...

“Misery Comes in Lots of Different Forms. It’s All Miserable.” - Bloody Murder (2000) - Film #217

Connoisseurs of the summer camp slasher film were in for a treat in 2000, approximately 20 years after the heyday of that illustrious subgenre, when Bloody Murder was released to an indeterminate amount of fanfare.  

Reviewer cindy24_3 writes fashionably, " It was a waste of 4 bucks!! And to beat it all, the murderer wasn't even dressed like a real murderer. His outfit was too clean!! DON'T rent this movie!!!! Waste of your money!!" Reviewer Zantara Xenophobe writes helpfully, "My advice to anyone stupid enough to see this movie would be to give yourself extra time to watch it. You'll need it for the numerous times you have to stop the movie to beat your head against the wall." And reviewer gila_film writes incoherently, "Bloody Murder is definetely a so-called slasher movie. This movie is accurately below-average that makes it so underrated. There's no gore, scare, decent twist or blood."

Read on for the truth about Bloody Murder...