“Government Business! Strictly Government!” - Missile to the Moon (1958)

Directly after the classic jungle adventure She Demons (1958), director Richard E. Cunha released a classic of the spaceship genre, Missile to the Moon (also 1958), thus cementing his reputation as a master of multiple genres.

Some of your universe's critics, as always, fail to see the genius of Missile to the Moon. For example, reviewer Hitchcoc focuses on the performances when they write, "The acting is ridiculous." Reviewer mark.waltz, also focusing on the performances, writes, "The acting is hideous, particularly by the space women and ranks up there with the worst performances of all time." And reviewer bkoganbing, incredibly also focusing on the performances, writes, "In fact all the players look like they're in terrible need of ExLax."

Read on for an accurate appreciation of Missile to the Moon...

“Hidden Behind A Hard, Tough Crust” - She Demons (1958)

After making the classic Giant from the Unknown (1958), director/cinematographer Richard E. Cunha followed up with the horror film She Demons (1958), an exploration of Nazi science and beautiful women turned into disfigured monsters.

Some of your universe's critics fail to appreciate She Demons for its contributions to cinema. For example, reviewer jnselko writes, "There is nothing good about this movie at all, not plot, dialogue, acting, directing-nothing." Reviewer dave13-1 writes, "She Demons is a buffet of incompetence and poor planning." And reviewer Fargo_North writes, "Watching this was an almost painful ordeal because of the really bad acting, the lousy dialog, the lame attempts at humor and the incoherent plot!"

Read on for the truth about She Demons...

“I Mean Sweating and Going Nuts” - Granny (1999)

Let us return to the late 1990s to investigate how the phenomenon of Wes Craven's Scream (1996) was influencing amateur regional slasher films. We turn to Granny (1999), a Chicago-based slasher that is short and to-the-point. Although it is not a slasher film about slasher films like Scream, it is about demonstrating a person's worst fear (whether or not that person is in the room) and how the artifice of the movies invades real life.

Some of your universe's critics fail to see the power and innovation of Granny. For example, reviewer pizowell writes, rather rudely, "Take my advice and steer clear of that dirty old hag The Granny." Reviewer bigpappa1--2 says the film "has some of the dumbest characters and situations to ever grace a television screen." And reviewer trevhurt writes, "This film is truly execrable in all departments. Script, acting, plot, direction and editing are all uniformly awful."

Read on for the truth about Granny...

“Lick the Paper” - Ratpocalypse (2017)

Political satire is a tricky film genre to get right, so it is no surprise that it should be left to skilled professionals, like Russian Christians. Vladimir Uglichin's Ratpocalypse (2017) is a satire that brilliantly roasts the greed and corruption of politicians, and it stars Hollywood mega-star Casper Van Dien as a messenger from God. For what more could one ask?

Some of your universe's critics apparently want more. For example, reviewer erick-peisker writes, somewhat cryptically, "The plot has so many holes the rats must have ate through them and the rest of the bad acting." Reviewer dcordova-65217 calls the film "so bad you can't really focus on anything but its flaws." And reviewer a-shane-bishop writes, with no evidence, "it's like the director died mid editing and his son took over."

Read on for a more balanced appreciation of the brilliant political satire that is Ratpocalypse...

“People Don’t Start Dying After a Heated Game of Scrabble” - Knight Chills (2001)

The 2001 thriller Knight Chills deals with the frightening relationship between role playing games like Dungeons & Dragons and supernatural murder. Even though it was released nearly two decades after the link between role playing and Satanism was supported by various (possibly crazy) religious leaders, Knight Chills is a terrifyingly realistic investigation of how such a hobby can destroy lives.

As predicted, your universe's critics are not chilled by Knight Chills. For example, reviewer mike3018 writes, “The story, acting, script, camera work, and sets, were among the worst I've ever suffered through.” Reviewer votok writes, “Terrible Dialog, Abysmal Line Delivery, Truly HORRIBLE lighting and filming, and Zero Acting ability from all involved. And a hopelessly amateur plot to top it all off. What a complete mess!” And reviewer samiam4evajuliannasmann writes, “This film just doesn't have any good parts to it at all. The "actors" are all so stiff and fail to portray any character reality at all, so you don't really feel for them or care about the story at all.”

Read on for the truth about Knight Chills...

“But This Is Stupid” - Hangar 18 (1980)

Serious films about UFO conspiracies are often spectacular successes, and Hangar 18 (1980) is no exception. The film has thrills, chills, and one jump scare, so it is clearly far better than its inspirations, Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) and Capricorn One (1977).

As usual, your universe's critics are useless here. For example, reviewer cuiloni writes, "A mediocre film, rather predictable film." Reviewer Sterno-2 writes, "The movie has plot holes large enough for the Rockettes to dance through." And reviewer buckrulze writes, "This movie is so bad I couldn't wait for it to end. It is an epic failure from opening to the closing credits."

Read on for the hidden truth about Hanger 18...

“And Then, Later, Broadswords” - Empire of the Dark (1991)

In 1982, Steve Barkett created The Aftermath, a classic post-apocalyptic thriller. Nine years later, he wrote and directed Empire of the Dark (1991), an adventure fantasy full of sword-fighting, monsters, and gore. He never directed another movie, though he appeared in several films produced by Fred Olen Ray, who also produced Empire of the Dark. Fortunately, both of the films Mr. Barkett directed are classics.

Your universe's critics are wrong again. For example, reviewer paulmichaelgray writes, "Like they have said. This film is terrible." Reviewer godinamachine writes that "its [sic] got the campy acting, wierd music and stylized feel of older film in general." And reviewer abduktionsphanomen writes, "its production values are completely lacking."

Read on for the truth about Steve Barkett's Empire of the Dark (1991)...

“I Would Rather Give a Cute Girl a Hug Than Get Shot At” - Hollywood Warrioress: The Movie (2016)

It might seem as if all classic films are from long, long ago, but today we will discuss a modern classic from 2016, the poetically titled Hollywood Warrioress: The Movie. Like The Chosen One: Legend of the Raven (1998), Hollywood Warrioress is a female-driven superhero movie, but where The Chosen One was dark and edgy, Hollywood Warrioress is full of hope.

Of course, some of your universe's critics are unkind to this film. For example, reviewer Leofwine_draca writes, “This is completely dreadful and laughably bad.” Reviewr cburks192 writes, “I knew this wasn’t going to be good.” And reviewer intruder2k calls the film “Embarrassingly poor.” 

Read on for a balanced appreciation of the modern superhero classic...

“What Do You Got New in Porn?” - Disconnected (1984)

At Senseless Cinema, we have not yet looked at the works of Connecticut filmmaker Gorman Bechard, so we need to remedy that as soon as possible (i.e., right now) by discussing his first feature, 1984's Disconnected.

Reviewer arfdog-1 writes, “It's truly difficult to know what's going on because the entire movie is one big disjointed mess.” Reviewer leofwine_draca writes, “Sadly, none of this makes much sense at all and it certainly isn't entertaining; sleep inducing, more like.” And reviewer petervenkman57 writes, “This is a train wreck of movie. It just doesn't get worse than this.”

Read on for an accurate evaluation of Gorman Bechard's Disconnected (1984)...

“Satan Wants Winners” - Satan's Children (1975)

In the wake of real-life horrors such as the Manson murders and cinematic assaults such as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) and The Last House on the Left (1972), regional filmmakers felt empowered to present confrontational and controversial nightmares on screen. One of the most disturbing and creative of these is Satan's Children (1975), a Florida-based production showing the dangers young people faced every day in the 1970s -- dangers like Satanic cults, gang rape, quicksand, and even marijuana.

Of course, some of your universe's reviewers don't understand Satan's Children. For example, reviewer preppy-3 writes, “Basically a boring, stupid and offensive film.” Reviewer gerrymackenzie writes, “The cinematography, sets, wardrobe and hairstyles are as ugly as the underlying message of the film.” And reviewer I_Ailurophile writes, “'Satan's children' is horrible and worthless, and no one should ever watch it.”

[Before we get into the details of the film, a trigger warning is in order, as Satan's Children depicts casual homophobia and disturbing scenes of rape. As a confrontational film about the youth of the 1970s, it pulls only a few of its punches.]

Read on for an exploration of this powerful and controversial film...

“You’ve Got ‘City’ Written All Over You” - The Demons of Ludlow (1983)

Here at Senseless Cinema, we are already well acquainted with the masterworks of Wisconsin-based filmmaker Bill Rebane -- see, for example, Invasion from Inner Earth (1974), Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake (1975), The Alpha Incident (1977), The Capture of Bigfoot (1979), The Game (1984), and Blood Harvest (1987). Today we will examine perhaps his finest film, The Demons of Ludlow (1983), a supernatural horror movie that combines the best of hit films like Poltergeist (1982) and The Fog (1980).

Some of your universe's critics, as usual, do not appreciate Mr. Rebane's work. For example, reviewer coliver calls the film "a confusing morass of time periods and storyline that threatened to put me to sleep." Reviewer FilmFatale writes, clearly blasphemously, "Really, really terrible, even for Rebane." And reviewer preppy-3 calls the film "A no-budget mess."

Read on for a much more accurate appreciation of The Demons of Ludlow...