Political satire is a tricky film genre to get right, so it is no surprise that it should be left to skilled professionals, like Russian Christians. Vladimir Uglichin's Ratpocalypse (2017) is a satire that brilliantly roasts the greed and corruption of politicians, and it stars Hollywood mega-star Casper Van Dien as a messenger from God. For what more could one ask?
Some of your universe's critics apparently want more. For example, reviewer erick-peisker writes, somewhat cryptically, "The plot has so many holes the rats must have ate through them and the rest of the bad acting." Reviewer dcordova-65217 calls the film "so bad you can't really focus on anything but its flaws." And reviewer a-shane-bishop writes, with no evidence, "it's like the director died mid editing and his son took over."
Read on for a more balanced appreciation of the brilliant political satire that is Ratpocalypse...
In a thrilling opening sequence, a shirtless man played by prolific actor Casper Van Dien struggles to swim through the ocean, finally landing on a beach in the middle of a lightning storm. Shockingly, he sees rows upon rows of rats greeting him on the sand.
The rats climb onto him and he starts brushing them off, which is when he wakes up next to his wife — the rats were just a dream. She tells him to ignore the dream, but he associates it with the stress of his job as a U.S. Senator asked by the President to go to Moscow for unspecified reasons. His wife belligerently suggests Senator Van Dien is using the Russia trips as an excuse to have affairs with Russian women. Their argument is interrupted by the doorbell. The Senator’s wife answers the door and returns to bed with a briefcase full of money. “Give it back,” says Senator Van Dien.
“Give it back? Darling, this monthly briefcase is what allows us to live like this.”
“This life is never outs,” Senator Van Dien replies coldly. “Give it back.”
The Senator flies to Moscow with his wife, where he gives a speech to a group of appreciative Russian politicians. He begins, “Comrades, fellow dignitaries, most of you came here today to hear me give a message…or to hear a message from the President of the United States of America. There’s been a change of plans. I have a message. Not a personal message, at least not from me. I don’t know why they chose me as a messenger. The Superiors know I’m not better than any of you. No less a sinner, no less greedy or corrupt. Whatever you’ve done, I’ve done too. Maybe even ten times worse. But the fact is, you have to stop, and you have to stop now!”
As the crowd of politicians and newspeople grumbles restlessly, Senator Van Dien gets to his point: “If you don’t change your ways, they’re gonna turn you into rats!”
Everyone laughs, but the Senator is deadly serious. “I don’t know why and I don’t know how, but whoever doesn’t fight corruption will be turned into filthy, dirty rats.”
One of the Russians (possibly a politician, possibly a gangster) ask who the Superiors are. “They from the U.N.? Are they American or European Superiors?”
“The supreme being,” Senator Van Dien explains. “The power of the universe.” He explains he met the supreme being in his dreams.
Perhaps predictably, the speech is cut short and the Russians toss the Senator and his wife out of the building. He rushes to the airport to return to the U.S., but his credit card was cancelled by his wife, who has apparently left him due to his sudden bout of insanity. When he goes outside the airport (which helpfully has English signs, but unhelpfully no Russian signs), he is greeted by a young woman named Polina who intends to offer him her services as a prostitute. They sit together on a bench as whimsical music plays. She tells him she saw him on TV talking about rats, and then offers him a place to stay with her friend, another prostitute.
Elsewhere, Mr. Van Dien’s prophecy is quickly falling into place. A Russian politician named Michael returns from the speech to his mansion, only for his wife to find that his back is hairy. “It looks like some kind of fur,” she says.
“Of course I have fur on my back,” the politician says tastelessly. “You know I have Armenian roots, for Christ’s sake.”
Meanwhile, Senator Van Dien and the two prostitutes visit a nightclub, where they are insulted by more of the Russian politicians (one of whom, inexplicably, is eating something that appears to be a lump of caviar shaped to look like a skyscraper). A politician slaps Polina’s backside, so Senator Van Dien defends her by starting a bar fight.
Far away, the President of the United States is having a futuristic videophone conference with the Russian President.
The U.S. President wants the incident with Senator Van Dien to go away quickly. “My people get too annoyed if they suspect we’re not telling the truth.”
The Russian President replies, “Right. My dog is the same way. If I tell him he’s getting a bone, he expects a bone.”
The U.S. President leans forward. “Vlad, what’s this rumor I hear about human-sized rats being sighted in your neck of the woods this past week?”
“Eh. A rumor is a rumor.”
Back in Russia, Senator Van Dien dines with the prostitues in their modest apartment. The Senator fends off the romantic advances of Polina’s roommate, as giving in would be against his strict moral code. As he lectures her on morality, a TV news report in English mentions that people in Moscow are beginning to turn into giant rats. (Fortunately, they are still able to dress in suits and tie their ties.)
Also, the authorities are offering ten million dollars for information about Senator Van Dien’s whereabouts.
Elsewhere, in a comedic scene, the politician Michael, who is now completely transformed into a human-sized rat, tries to get a European barber to turn him back to normal, then decides to hire a plastic surgeon, and then is attacked by his own small housecoat.
Senator Van Dien is betrayed by Polina’s roommate. The authorities take him to a hospital, where a woman who introduces herself as Madame Shefonskaya, a government secretary, explains, “You are in a national asylum for special people. Please tell me, is there an antidote?”
“Antidote? Antidote for what?”
“For the rat disease.”
Thinking quickly (and ignoring the moral implications of dishonesty), Senator Van Dien says, “There is one.” He adds, “When they return their dirty money, then they’ll get their human form back.” But he still acts as though he has a physical antidote for the rat disease. Madame Shefonskaya tells the Senator that they will be the wealthiest people on Earth because they will have the cure to the disease that turns people into rats.
Meanwhile, a large crowd of angry people breaks into the hospital, angry at Senator Van Dien, presumably because he made corrupt politicians turn into human-sized, English-speaking rats. During the fracas, the Senator punches one of the rat people in the crowd.
Also, Elena, the niece of the politician turned into a rat, recruits Polina and her roommate to help her change her uncle back, the first step of which is to rescue Senator Van Dien from the hospital. The two prostitutes do so, with the aid of a stolen gun, and a car chase ensues, lasting all of five seconds as their car collides with a table at an open-air restaurant and the police car chasing them stops to check on the restaurant customer.
The next scene involves a man with a hunting rifle turning into a rat, but it is entirely in untranslated Russian so I can only infer that this is a negative experience for him and his family. However, this scene includes a CGI transformation from man to rat which is quite spectacular.
Meanwhile, Elena and others related to the rat politician try to convince him to sign a paper promising to God that he will become an uncorrupt servant of the people, but the politician says he is in no condition to sign such a document. “Lick the paper,” says one of the family members. “Your DNA will do.” However, he won’t even lick the paper because it will mean giving up his houses and his wealth. Soon, we find out that the politician hanged himself (offscreen), obviously able to tie a noose despite his condition as a rat.
Elsewhere, the Russian government allies with the U.S. government to find Senator Van Dien. We also find out the rat transformations have spread to politicians across the world (though we see only Russian rats).
In a romantic interlude, Polina’s prostitute roommate Anna seduces Elena’s wealthy uncle while Senator Van Dien and Polina embrace next to a birdcage. Anna takes photos of her tryst for blackmail material (this is never mentioned again), and then Senator Van Dien goes to Polina’s bedroom. Angrily, Polina says, “You just want to use me as a sexual object to get back at your wife!”
“You don’t get it, do you? There is no wife anymore.”
“But do you still love her?”
“No. I’m in love with you.”
“Are you just trying to say that to seduce me?”
“No, I promised you I wouldn’t.”
They have sex, which might or might not prove his worthiness to be a messenger from God.
Minutes later, helicopters land nearby and Russian forces invade the mansion where they are hiding out. Fortunately, the senator and Polina escape in time, but they are soon pursued by the Russian police as well as the military. Madame Shefonskaya finds Polina and allows a policeman to begin raping her, but Senator Van Dien rescues her, though he is beaten up in the process. Both the senator and Polina are tied up, at which point Madame Shefonskaya reveals her plan to Senator Van Dien: “I’m going to have your baby. That baby will bring me wealth, fame, and everything else I ever wanted.” Then she tries to castrate him, for unclear reasons. However, he is rescued at the last minute by the U.S. military who were working with the Russians.
Back in the U.S., Senator Van Dien is lambasted in front of a Congressional committee. The senator tells his side of the story: “A higher power ordered me to complete a mission. And I’ve completed it.”
A committee member scolds, “Some of the victims were Christian, who believed in Heaven and eternal happiness. But you and your higher power sent them to Hell.” (It is possible this means they committed suicide, though context clues are absent.)
Senator Van Dien counters eloquently, “They believed in an earthly eternal happiness through their dirty fortunes.” He adds, “When those rats return everything they’ve gotten through corruption and deceit, then and only then will they be returned to their human form.” However, he promises to talk to the higher power and ask it to return all the rats to people, which leads to the philosophical conundrum that all the rats in the world will become human, even those who were born rats. The senator has an answer for this: “They’ll probably be better people. When rats take, they know when to stop, while most people with power don’t seem to be able to stop. Maybe a new creature would inherit the Earth, one with integrity and limits.”
A female committee member offers the senator three billion dollars to “turn all the bureaucrats back into human beings.” (Her conflation of bureaucrats with politicians is unexplained.)
After the committee meeting, everyone moves to the lobby, where two masked gunmen shoot down Senator Van Dien in cold blood. Polina holds him while everyone else walks past and spits on the dead man. Outside, crowds erupt in cheers as they celebrate the death of the man who somehow indirectly turned some politicians into human-sized rats.
Shockingly, as the senator’s body is driven away in an ambulance, Polina sees a vision of herself in the clouds holding what can only be the senator’s (perhaps divine) baby.
The End
Where can an appreciate reviewer begin with Ratpocalypse? There is so much going on beneath the traditional surface story of politicians turning into rats. Those who have watched the film should demand a sequel immediately, as many deep philosophical questions are suggested but not answered. For example, who are the Superiors from whom Senator Van Dien received his dreams and/or prophecies? He changes his answer from the Superiors to a single Higher Power, but he is clearly covering something up. Are the Superiors in fact the rat-human hybrids that are proposed in the climactic committee meeting? Are there really Superior rat-human hybrids pulling the strings from another dimension? And could Ratpocalypse be a hidden prequel to Bruno Mattei's classic Rats: Night of Terror (1984)?
Further questions about. For example, in a film that is clearly an earnest plea for adherence to traditional Christian moral standards (no Christian, for example, would fall prey to political corruption and greed), why are there two extramarital sex scenes with (female-only) nudity? Is the message of the Superiors that extramarital sex is fine as long as it moves the plot forward?
And what does the ending mean? Is Polina a divine mother from Heaven, destined to give birth to the prophet Casper Van Dien's holy baby? Only a sequel could answer these questions, so a sequel should -- no, must -- be demanded by all right-thinking cinemagoers.