Something mysterious and forever unknowable must have occurred somewhere between 1976 and 1978 in the realm of science fiction films, because the number of science fiction classics released just after that period is almost numberless. At the top of the list, of course, is the Italian film The Humanoid, one of the greatest adventure stories ever told.
Strangely, some of your universe's critics are unkind to The Humanoid. For example, reviewer darkdayforanime writes, “Honestly, this film is one long collection of laughable clichés.” Reviewer welshNick writes, “In what has to be one of the worst films ever made every left over costume from Star Wars got reused to make an abomination which gives cheap sci films a bad name.” And reviewer Oslo_Jargo writes, “this is not a decent movie in any way. In fact, it is bloody awful and stupid.”
Read on for the truth about The Humanoid...
The film begins, as nearly all films did in 1979, with blue credits scrolling upward from the bottom of the screen. Unfortunately, there is no narrative text crawl, so a narrator must explain the situation to the audience with a voiceover: “Metropolis, known long ago as Planet Earth, now faces its gravest hour. Lord Graal has just escaped from the prison satellite, where his brother, ruler of the peaceful galactic democracy, had exiled him. Malevolent and power hungry, Graal has plans of vengeance that might forever alter the destiny of mankind.”
After a breathtaking shot from the underside of a gigantic triangular spacecraft, the big spacecraft shoots down a small guard ship orbiting Earth—that is, Metropolis.
Inside the big ship, the black-suited and black-helmeted Lord Graal (played by Ivan Rassimov) tells his underlings, “Those pilots were sheep, not soldiers. My brother has made his army bloated with peace.”
He orders a fighter ship to be launched to attack Metropolis, specifically one woman: “Make sure there are no survivors, especially that Barbara Gibson.”
The fighter approaches what appears to be Mars, but is actually Earth—that is, Metropolis. On the planet, in an administrative building, we see Barbara Gibson, who helpfully has a gigantic nameplate on her desk reading Barbara Gibson. She gets a video call from a boy named Tom Tom, who tells her she must come home and leave the institute where she works. When he speaks some words in another language, Barbara goes into a trance, leaving her desk (where she tells another worker to take over her station, though her nameplate unfortunately does not change) and takes an elevator down to the surface of the planet. She drives a landspeeder into the Martian desert just before the black-suited soldiers from Lord Graal’s ship attack the institute.
In the institute building, Lord Graal’s soldiers kill everyone. They find an octagonal bucket-like device they believe to contain something called Kapitron (which can turn men into superpowered monsters), then return to the mother ship, which leaves orbit.
Meanwhile, back on Mars—that is, Earth—that is, Metropolis—at a striking looking but fairly small building, the planetary leader, Great Brother, is informed that Barbara Gibson is the only survivor of the institute massacre. Great Brother gives the order to retaliate against Lord Graal’s soldiers using deadly force.
Elsewhere, Barbara is playing a computer game with her young student Tom Tom, both of them unaware of the attack on the institute. When Tom Tom defeats her, she complains, “Incredible. This has to be some sort of magic. I can’t even beat you with a computer that can solve 18 unknowns to the fourth power! Where in Helios did you learn to play so well?”
The enigmatic Tom Tom replies, “In a place many eons from here.” (His name is really Lokun Nihua Dharma, meaning “Ocean of Wisdom,” but Barbara can only pronounce Tom Tom.) Barbara and Tom Tom are visited by Great Brother’s agent Nick, who says Barbara is the only one who knows how to find Dr. Kraspin (played by Oscar nominee Arthur Kennedy), creator of Kapitron who was rescued from space prison some time ago.
At the same time, another spaceship approaches Earth—that is, Metropolis. Piloting the ship is Richard Kiel, who is alone on the ship except for his cute, doglike robot Kip. When Mr. Kiel sees Lord Graal’s massive starship going in the opposite direction, he decides to follow the evil master’s ship.
Still elsewhere, we learn that Dr. Kraspin is now attending to Lady Agatha (played by “Bond girl” Barbara Bach), lover of Lord Graal. He oversees the draining of blood from nude young women to keep the Bathoryesque Lady Agatha young.
The two meet with Lord Graal in a hallway, where the doctor explains that he plans to create an army of humanoids that Lord Graal can use to take over Earth—that is, Metropolis. Also, he hates Barbara Gibson because she destroyed years of his work by exposing the dangers of Kapitron. After this meeting, Dr. Kraspin returns to his lab, where he coincidentally sees Richard Kiel’s ship in outer space. “That’s just the human I need,” Dr. Kraspin says, using a device that looks nothing like an audio mixer to control the ship and pull Mr. Kiel and Kip toward the villains’ base.
In Lady Agatha’s boudoir, she and Lord Graal are preparing (slowly) to make love, but they are interrupted by a gigantic screen showing Dr. Kraspin. “Come quickly. I’m about to create my first humanoid!”
Of course, they rush to see Dr. Kraspin, but he reveals he has only brought Mr. Kiel down to the planet, not that the creation of the humanoid is imminent. “My probes revealed that he’s a giant of a man in optimum health.”
On the surface of the planet, Mr. Kiel helps Kip adjust to life off the ship. He tells the robot, somewhat confusingly, “You know, Kip, you robodogs have quite an advantage over us men. You don’t have to fill out reports. See you in a micro-minute.”
Suddenly, a small rocket blasts into Mr. Kiel’s ship and explodes, exposing him to Kapitron. Watching on a screen, Dr. Kraspin gleefully yells, “It worked! It turned him from a human into a humanoid!”
In humanoid form, Mr. Kiel has lost his beard and has gained a gap in his teeth. Also, he does not recognize Kip. He walks across the desert, followed by the loyal Kip, until some of Lord Graal’s troopers find him and attack. The now-humanoid Mr. Kiel easily defeats them all. In fact, laser bolts bounce off his hands. He growls at the shuttle carrying Graal, Kraspin, and Agatha across the desert to him, but they stop him by applying “a very special narcotic gas.” Then they implant a small crystal on his forehead that allows them to control him.
Eventually, the villains drop Mr. Kiel off in front of the city where the Great Brother resides. He enters the city, tossing people off balconies and bridges while laser bolts bounce off him. Nick and the other security forces take the Great Brother to the institute building, where Nick guarantees his safety and that of the five elders (whom we have not yet seen or heard mentioned). Mr. Kiel leaves the city in a landspeeder to chase the Great Brother.
At the institute, Nick and Barbara use a machine to identify Mr. Kiel’s ID badge, which was lost during the attack on the city. “Wait a minute,” Nick says. “I’ve heard of him. He’s a big, kind, gentle person.”
“Not any more, I’m afraid,” Barbara says. “That part of him no longer exists.”
As if to prove her point, Mr. Kiel attacks the institute, breaking through doors to find the Great Brother. Nick and the Great Brother trick Mr. Kiel into stepping into a powerful hydraulic press, but it does not work. Just as Mr. Kiel is about to strangle the Great Brother, Dr. Kraspin back on the starship realizes Barbara must be in the building, so he orders Mr. Kiel to kill her first. He quickly finds her in her apartment, but when he is about to kill her Tom Tom rescues her with some kind of magic spell. She escapes the building while Tom Tom returns Mr. Kiel’s true essence into the humanoid’s body, turning him friendly. Tom Tom then rescues Barbara in the desert by commanding two archers to fire laser arrows at the villains.
The tides of the star war have been turned, thanks to the enigmatic Tom Tom. In Barbara’s apartment, the good guys learn where Lord Graal and Dr. Kraspin are hiding. Suddenly, however, Barbara is kidnapped by unseen forces, and Tom Tom and Mr. Kiel can only watch as a shuttle launches into space.
The Great Brother and his allies hold a highly original strategy session about how to get Barbara back. They decide to send a ship with Nick and Mr. Kiel to the moon where Lord Graal is hiding.
On the way, there is a spectacular space dogfight when Lord Graal’s fighters spot Nick’s unnamed spaceship. Tom Tom flies the ship while Nick mans the gun. He blows up the enemy fighters but Nick’s ship is damaged, though Mr. Kiel manages to pilot it to a safe crash landing (throwing Nick into the desert), prompting Mr. Kiel to hug Tom Tom. When they help Nick up, they also find Kip, who has survived being alone in the desert. The four of them break into Lord Graal’s base, where they watch the villains prepare to launch a Kapitron missile to Earth—that is, Metropolis—where it will turn everyone into humanoids that Graal can control.
The heroes must stop the missile launch as well as rescue Barbara from the iron maiden-like device designed to extract her blood for Lady Agatha’s youth treatment.
Which they do.
In the thrilling climax, Mr. Kiel, Barbara, Nick, Tom Tom, and Kip race through the villain’s base, shooting at android troopers. (Oddly, Mr. Kiel often positions himself politely behind the others, though as a humanoid he is laser-proof). They fight their way to the launch bay, where they cruelly kill Dr. Kraspin, forcing his face underneath the missile’s exhaust. Also, Lady Agatha dies because she does not get Barbara’s blood—she ages to a skeleton in seconds.
Nick tracks down Lord Graal on the starship, which is about to launch. Nick is nearly killed, but Mr. Kiel saves him. In a chaotic finale, Mr. Kiel blows up the launch bay while Nick, Barbara, Tom Tom, and Kip escape the base. In the end, Mr. Kiel sacrifices himself by exploding the Kapitron in a lake. Barbara explains his sacrifice: “He killed himself to save us and Metropolis from destruction.
Surprisingly, however, Mr. Kiel survives, rising out of the lake in his old, non-humanoid form with a beard and average teeth. He is back to his normal self.
In the end, Tom Tom goes off with the laser archers on a crystalline ship. “We are going back to the sacred land of Tibet, to a time many ages in the past. Listen to your heartbeat and you will hear my name, and you my friends will always be part of me.”
Instead of Tibet, however, the ship flies into the sun.
The End
It is no surprise that The Humanoid is a classic, as it was directed by the great Aldo Lado (Short Night of Glass Dolls, Who Saw Her Die?, Last Stop on the Night Train/Night Train Murders), features the acting of Oscar-nominated Arthur Kennedy as well as special makeup effects by Giannetto de Rossi and music by Oscar winner Ennio Morricone. How could not be a great film? There is no way it could have failed.
One might wish, as many have, to apply the fabled hero's journey to The Humanoid. This would be a worthy academic exercise, and it would have to start with the identification of the hero. Fortunately, The Humanoid has a variety of heroes to choose from. Is the protagonist Richard Kiel, the title character? Is it Nick, the swashbuckling rogue? Is it Tom Tom, the mysterious Tibetan boy? Is it Kip, the robot dog? I would content it must be Barbara Gibson, the woman who previously sent the evil Dr. Kraspin to space prison. Although she makes no decisions in the entire film, and never answers a call to adventure, there can be little question that she is the only character that appears in the film from the beginning to the end. Therefore, she is the one who undergoes the hero's journey. Case closed.
The final curiosity about The Humanoid is the name Aldo Lado chose as his English-sounding directorial pseudonym: George B. Lewis. It will be an eternal mystery why he chose this name. Perhaps it was the name of a childhood friend, or perhaps it is so original and distinctive it would allow this highly original film to stand out. Tragically, we will never know why he chose the name George Lewis, but it will always be a tantalizing cinematic mystery.