Monday, October 15, 2018

"If I'm Not Mistaken, They Want to Hurt Us" - Adam and Eve Meet the Cannibals (1983)


At Senseless Cinema, we rarely look at historical films, but this oversight will be rectified as we travel all the way back to the beginning of humanity to see the true story of Adam and Eve Meet the Cannibals (1983), also known as Adam and Eve, Blue Paradise, and Adam and Eve: The First Love Story.

Not everyone in your universe understands the relevance or the sumptuous dramatic qualities of this film. Reviewer leofwine_draca writes, "ADAM AND EVE MEET THE CANNIBALS is undoubtedly the weirdest Bible story you'll ever see....one memorably bad film." Reviewer Michael_Elliott writes, "we've got some really lame performances and the dubbing is pretty bad as well but there's really not too much dialogue." Reviewer BA_Harrison writes, "Obviously, this is far from great cinema, and not really deserving of a very high rating."

Not really deserving of a very high rating? Please read on to see why this Italian historical epic is indeed really deserving of a very high rating...

Monday, October 8, 2018

"Accident? Lady, That Man Was Hung!" - Criminally Insane II (1987)


Having just reviewed Nick Millard's masterwork Criminally Insane (1975), it is time to move on to its sequel, the slightly different though no less brilliant Criminally Insane 2 (1987), aka Crazy Fat Ethel II.

Some writers have trouble understanding the nuances of this film. Reviewer udar55 writes, "HOLY MOLY! Does this movie suck! You know you are in trouble when the open credits start up and they are just the credits from the first film, apparently filmed off a TV screen." Reviewer Hammett writes, rather cleverly though incorrectly, "This film was poorly made with cheap effects and even worse acting. The characters are so wooden when delivering their lines that they should be standing out in front of a cigar store." And reviewer Kastore writes, "This is the most boring worthless piece of crap I've ever wasted an hour of my life on."

Needless to say, these opinions are not worth the paper they are printed on. Please continue reading so that you may fully appreciate Nick Millard's Criminally Insane II...

Monday, October 1, 2018

"My Heart's Just Fine as Long as My Stomach's Not Empty" - Criminally Insane (1975)


We now turn to an acknowledged classic of the horror genre, Criminally Insane (1975), directed by Nick Millard (aka Nick Philips).

Despite the film's acclaim, some critics in your universe refuse to give it the proper respect. For example, reviewer jwvongoethe1800 writes, "OH MY GOD WAS THIS MOVIE BAD....AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS!!! (especially the sequel)." Reviewer lemon_magic writes, "The dreariness and awfulness never let up, even for an instant." Reviewer BA_Harrison writes, "With a terrible script, not one appealing character, amateurish direction, editing that is more of a butcher job than any of Ethel's murders, and the most unrealistic gore imaginable (the blood looks like red emulsion, probably because it is), I didn't find this to be a case of 'so bad it's good' just plain bad."

Please read on and I will elucidate the unequaled qualities of Criminally Insane...

Monday, September 24, 2018

"Why Are Your Paintings So Grotesque?" - Scream Baby Scream (1969)


It is now my pleasure to talk about a relatively obscure film, Scream Baby Scream (1969), written by the brilliant Larry Cohen. As a film that features a mad artist and a mad surgeon, this film could not help but be a classic.

As usual with undiscovered classics, many critics from your universe are incapable of seeing the quality of this film. Reviewer chanvat writes, "This film is absolutely not scary. To even call this horror or a 'thriller' is laughable." Reviewer tromafreak writes, "Scream Baby Scream very well may be the worst in Florida horror/gore of its era, but, I suppose, underneath the unlikeable characters, and the incoherent plot, lies potential." Reviewer cameraslave43 writes, "Uuuugh this is an ugly movie. The ultimate bargain basement thriller."

It is time to explore Scream Baby Scream in more detail. Please read on...

Monday, September 17, 2018

"Spin Out and Boil Your Hair!" - New Year's Evil (1980)


It is time to return to the slasher subgenre with New Year's Evil (1980), the classic holiday slasher from Emmet Alston, the director who would go on to create perhaps the definitive alien bigfoot film, Demonwarp (1988).

Unfortunately, all critics are not enamored with New Year's Evil. On IMDB, reviewer preppy-3 writes, "This is a rock-bottom, stupid, boring, horrendous 'Halloween' clone." (I must take issue with the word "clone," as there are basically zero similarities between New Year's Evil and Halloween.) Reviewer skutter-2 writes, "Everything about the movie is cheap, scuzzy and ugly." (Here I must take issue with the word "everything.") Reviewer dzizwheel writes, "Muddled plot, loose ends....Too many plot machinations to allow the viewer to suspend disbelief unless he's on some mind altering substance while viewing." (Here I must take issue with every word in the sentence, except perhaps "allow." Perhaps.)

Let us move on to our description of this classic slasher film. Please read on if you appreciate cleverness and creativity in your golden age slasher movies...

Monday, September 10, 2018

"Getting Ready for a Date with Tom Selleck" - The Dark Power (1985)


The wave of supernatural horror films that followed the success of The Evil Dead (1981), colloquially known as "cabin in the woods" films, produced a high proportion of excellent cinematic masterworks. One of these is The Dark Power (1985), a North Carolina-shot movie about demonic Toltecs starring Western whip specialist Lash LaRue.

Some critics in your universe, as usual, fail to appreciate the film's charms. Reviewer coventry writes, "'The Dark Power' is an indescribably cheesy and inept piece of 80's horror crap." Reviewer samax_89 writes, "A total and utter travesty of a movie. 'Dark Power' is the kind of film even Troma would be embarrassed to release.The script,direction,acting and action sequence's are so dire as to be almost painful to watch." Reviewer jimevarts summarizes his opinion: "I put this movie somewhere above Suburban Sasquatch and below Birdemic in cinematic quality, plot, and writing."

I feel compelled to dispel these ridiculous opinions. Read on for an appreciation of The Dark Power (1985)...

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Check Out My Story: "The Last Screening"



My short horror story "The Last Screening" is published in the collection Schlock! Horror!, edited by Bret McCormick, director of the legendary The Abomination (1986) among other low-budget horror movies, and published by Hellbound Books.

Check it out!

Monday, September 3, 2018

"Oh, Sweetie, You're Hysterical" - Scream for Help (1984)


Written by Tom Holland and directed by Michael Winner, Scream for Help (1984) has a more "respectable" pedigree than most films we cover at Senseless Cinema, but that does not mean it is less of a classic. This dramatic thriller provides all the thrills an audience expects from top-notch cinema: a plucky teenage girl heroine, a set of despicable villains, death traps, and a Polaroid camera.

Not everyone in your universe appreciates Scream for Help. For example, reviewer Jonathon Dabell writes, "While watching Scream For Help, one can't help but wonder if the film is intentionally inept or just hopelessly inept. The overbearing music, the ridiculous acting, the laughable plot developments, the risible dialogue--all these things surely point to some kind of bad joke at the audience's expense courtesy of director Michael Winner?" ("Intentionally inept or hopelessly inept?" What about "Not inept. Not inept at all"?) Reviewer Wizard-8 writes, "I just finished watching it now, and yes, it has to be one of the worst movies of its year. Or any year, for that matter! The script for the movie is unbelievably stupid, with characters making idiotic decisions at an incredibly rapid output." Similarly, reviewer lebong-2 writes, "The acting is uniformly amateurish, as if the cast just memorized their lines minutes before they were shot. As with most Winner movies, it's shot haphazardly and unimaginatively."

Clearly, these reviewers are unable to appreciate true drama and thrills, a deficiency I do not share. Read on for a detailed appreciation of Michael Winner's Scream for Help...

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Check Out My Story: "Alternate Cut"


My story "Alternate Cut" is published in the collection Thuggish Itch: Viva Las Vegas, published by Gypsum Sound Tales. 

On Amazon, reviewer Paul Bailey wrote, ”ALTERNATE CUT by Edward Karpp – This, in my opinion, is the darkest of the tales in THUGGISH ITCH. Atmospheric, as it is, you should read this one alone with no other distractions. It really is a dark piece of fiction; I loved it.”

Check it out!

Monday, August 27, 2018

"So Are You, But Who's Complaining?" - Sledge Hammer (1983)


We now turn to the 1983 shot-on-video movie Sledge Hammer, the directorial debut of David A. Prior. Firmly ensconced in the pantheon of 1980s horror films due to the fact that it was one of the first shot-on-video slasher movies, Sledge Hammer, for some reason, is not widely respected among the critics of your universe.

For example, reviewer Lee Eisenberg writes, "'Sledgehammer' - whose title basically explains the entire plot, if you can call it a plot - is truly the bottom of the barrel." Reviewer cyco7410 writes, "this one was just UNWATCHABLE." Critic Zbigniew_Krycsiwiki complains, "At one point, the filmmakers seemingly forgot they were doing a slasher film, and meander into a food fight, which lasts for nearly eight minutes."

Your universe must be dull indeed if an eight-minute food fight is not considered to be a spectacular addition to any movie! Read on to truly appreciate the high quality of Sledge Hammer (1983)...


Monday, August 20, 2018

"There's No Law Against Shooting Around Here" - Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake (1975)


It is time to revisit the work of Wisconsin auteur Bill Rebane, the talented director of classics such as The Capture of Bigfoot (1979) and The Game (1984), as well as Blood Harvest (1987), perhaps his masterpiece. Now we will look at Mr. Rebane's Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake (1975), a film which truly deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as these aforementioned classics.

Reviewer shark-43 writes, "The performances are terrible, the guy playing the crazy Ol' hermit gives a 110% and it is a horrible peice [sic] of mugging." Paul Andrews writes, "Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake is a real chore to sit through & is of very little, if any, entertainment value." And reviewer dharmabum writes, quite dismissively and inaccurately, "Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake is one of the most truly horrible visions ever put on film."

The inaccuracy of these reviews must be corrected. Please read on...