Haikus for Forgotten VHS Boxes



          
1. Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)

A night of terror?
Robert Quarry triumphant...
(Whose fangs on the box?)
2. Equinox (1970):

Dearest Equinox:
Stop motion is beautiful.
The box hides great stuff.



          
3. Horror of Frankenstein (1970):

Why, Jimmy Sangster?
This Frankenstein's not funny.
(At least it's Dave Prowse.)

4. Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)

Haunting seventies
Dramas don't really need spears.
The purple is nice.


          

5. The Mad Butcher (1971)

Remember the box
But never saw the movie.
I like Buono, though.

6. The Return of Count Yorga (1971)

Robert Quarry's great.
But where did he get those limbs?
"The Deathmaster?" Huh?



          
7. Frogs (1972)

Nature on the loose.
Get ready, Sam Elliott.
Ray Milland hates frogs.

8. Last House on the Left (1972)

Memorable box
Hides Craven's disturbing film.
What's up with the hand?


          
9. Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

Look at the blood!
Now that's a video box.
(But where are his legs?)

10. The Creeping Flesh (1973)

The box is boring,
But anything with Lee and
Cushing gets a pass.



          
11. Three on a Meathook (1972)

It certainly is
Gory and memorable.
Some trouble counting?

12. From Beyond the Grave (1973)

This box has a skull,
Knife, snake, bat, rat, cliffside house.
Film has to be good.



          
13. And Now the Screaming Starts (1973)

Compared to The Hand,
The Amityville Horror.
But really British.

14. Torso (1973)

“The bizarre world of
the psychosexual mind.”
Other kind of mind?



          
15. Beyond the Door (1974)

Ghost or possession?
Letter t looks like a cross.
The box is not clear.

16. Black Christmas (1974)

Not Whistler's Mother,
This rocking chair does not look
So comfortable.



          
17. It's Alive (1974)

A timeless classic,
This video box is great,
Like the film inside.

18. The Devil's Rain (1975)

"Heaven help us all
When The Devil's Rain" does not
Make damn bit of sense.



          
19. Alice Sweet Alice (1976)

Who could predict this
Clever, twisty slasher film
Hidden in bland box.

20. Bloodsucking Freaks (1976)

The Incredible
Torture Show was its first name,
A rude acronym.



          
21. Burnt Offerings (1976)

Whose face on the box?
Thought it was Bette Davis,
But now not so sure.

22. God Told Me To (1976)

People on the box
Look mildly concerned about
God’s orders to kill.



          
23. Grizzly (1976)

Iconic image.
That’s a hell of a big bear.
She better watch out.

24. Squirm (1976)

Triggers gag reflex.
Worm-face unforgettable.
Not in my egg cream!



          
25. The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)

Charles Pierce’s best film.
Sack on the face still creepy.
Leave Texarkana.

26. Track of the Moon Beast (1976)

In Albuquerque,
Rising moon creates monster.
(Looks better on box.)



          
27. Day of the Animals (1977)

Christopher George back
to fight Girdler’s animals
now with Lynda Day.

28. The Demon Lover (1977)

I doubt this movie
Compares to its fine poster.
Truth about demons?



          
29. Empire of the Ants (1977)

In the seventies,
Ads for this were on kids' shows
Ev'ry five minutes.

30. Haunts (1977)

He’s so big that he
Probably doesn’t need the
Scissors to kill her.



          
31. The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

Orange makes the box.
Why rip off the tag line of
Last House on the Left?

32. Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)

This film is perfect.
The spiders are really not
That big, however.



          
33. Martin (1977)

The razor blade scene
On the train is shocking;
The ending is sad.

35. Rabid (1977)

Memorable film
Oversized box, strong image.
Why "adult drama"?



          
36. Shock Waves (1977)

The film is not great,
But the Nazi zombie shots
Are hard to forget.

37. Blue Sunshine (1977)

One year after Squirm,
Lieberman made mind-bending
Thriller with hair loss.



          
38. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Roger Ebert says,
"An ultimate horror film."
When you're right, you're right.

39. Halloween (1978)

The night he came home,
The horror movie changed for
The good, forever.




          
40. I Spit on Your Grave (1978)

Cut, chopped, broken, burned
Four men. The box only hints
At intensity.
41. Piranha (1978)

I believe the size
Of the fish on the box is
Exaggerated.



          

42. The Toolbox Murders (1978)

"Bit by bit...by bit
He carved a nightmare," it says.
"Bit" is a nice pun.

43. The Brood (1979)

Cronenberg's triumph
Is hidden behind a box
Hard to understand.



          

44. The Driller Killer (1979)

Abel Ferrara
Knows how to make a grimy
But brilliant movie.

45. Nightwing (1979)

Maybe a movie
About Dick Grayson would have
Been a bigger hit.



          

46. Phantasm (1979)

A beautiful box
With Mike hovering above
The Tall Man and sphere.

47. Prophecy: The Monster Movie (1979)

No doubts from the box
That Prophecy is really
A monster movie.

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