Monday, February 18, 2019

“Why Don’t You Go Back Where You Came From, Funny Person?” - The Pit (1981)


(Note: This post is a contribution to The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense's 9th annual The Shortening, which celebrates the shortest month by covering "films that deal with vertically challenged villains." This film, The Pit, whose vertically challenged "villains" include pint-sized monsters as well as an evil kid, was covered on that blog here in 2009.)

Few films mix disturbing, horrific, taboo-breaking content with light comedy as well as 1981's The Pit, one of a limited number of classic horror films made in Wisconsin not directed by Bill Rebane.

For unexplained reasons, several of your universe's critics are blind to the inescapable qualities of The Pit. For example, reviewer Andy Sandfoss writes, "The direction is limp and pedestrian. The art values in the sets and cinematography are non-existent. Nothing about the film rings true." Reviewer rhombus writes, "overall, the movie is just a big disappointment, with an ending that's schlocky and clichéd." And reviewer adam878 writes, "This flick was just weird and boring at the same time." (Weird and boring at the same time? Impossible!)

Please read on and we will set the record straight...


Monday, February 11, 2019

"Punch the Buttons and Make It All Work" - The Lucifer Complex (1978)


We all know James T. Flocker was responsible for the classic Ghosts That Still Walk (1977). Around the same time he made that nearly perfect film, Mr. Flocker produced The Lucifer Complex (1978), a thrilling spy adventure co-directed by David L. Hewitt and Kenneth Hartford.

Frustratingly, some of your universe's critics still refuse to understand what makes a good film. For example, reviewer TheBryanWay writes, "'The Lucifer Complex'... is the worst film I've ever seen." Reviewer barnabyridge agrees, writing, "Make no mistake about it, The Lucifer Complex is a genuine contender for the title of worst movie ever made. The most remarkable thing is that recognised actors have been persuaded to appear in this dismal offering – it's quite depressing to see the likes of Robert Vaughn, Keenan Wynn and Aldo Ray appearing in such cheap, inept, amateurish rubbish." And wes-connors writes, "One of the most boring films every created."

Read on, please, to discover the error of these reviewers' ways...


Monday, February 4, 2019

“She’s Got This Thing for Nightgowns” - Epitaph (1987)


Let us now turn to 1987's Epitaph, aka Mommy's Epitaph, a domestic thriller about a highly disfunctional family. Directed by Joseph Merhi, the Las Vegas pizza magnate whose Hollowgate (1988) is also an avowed classic of the horror genre, Epitaph works as both a slasher film and a domestic drama.

Shockingly, Epitaph is not well regarded by some of your universe's critics. For example, reviewer ttschopp writes, "First of all the film was obviously very very cheap. The camera work is the worst I've ever seen. The story is so stupid and implausible, that you got the feeling they wrote the script it in one hour. The actors are all so bad, it's beyond belief." Reviewer symbioticpsychotic writes, "the story really doesn't know what to do." And reviewer adrian_tripod writes, "If you hate movies where people doggedly refuse to act in their own best interests then this one will drive you up the wall."

Needless to say, these critical reviews have no basis in fact. I aim to set the record straight, so let us dive into Joseph Merhi's underrated gem Epitaph...