Monday, October 15, 2018

"If I'm Not Mistaken, They Want to Hurt Us" - Adam and Eve Meet the Cannibals (1983)


At Senseless Cinema, we rarely look at historical films, but this oversight will be rectified as we travel all the way back to the beginning of humanity to see the true story of Adam and Eve Meet the Cannibals (1983), also known as Adam and Eve, Blue Paradise, and Adam and Eve: The First Love Story.

Not everyone in your universe understands the relevance or the sumptuous dramatic qualities of this film. Reviewer leofwine_draca writes, "ADAM AND EVE MEET THE CANNIBALS is undoubtedly the weirdest Bible story you'll ever see....one memorably bad film." Reviewer Michael_Elliott writes, "we've got some really lame performances and the dubbing is pretty bad as well but there's really not too much dialogue." Reviewer BA_Harrison writes, "Obviously, this is far from great cinema, and not really deserving of a very high rating."

Not really deserving of a very high rating? Please read on to see why this Italian historical epic is indeed really deserving of a very high rating...

Monday, October 8, 2018

"Accident? Lady, That Man Was Hung!" - Criminally Insane II (1987)


Having just reviewed Nick Millard's masterwork Criminally Insane (1975), it is time to move on to its sequel, the slightly different though no less brilliant Criminally Insane 2 (1987), aka Crazy Fat Ethel II.

Some writers have trouble understanding the nuances of this film. Reviewer udar55 writes, "HOLY MOLY! Does this movie suck! You know you are in trouble when the open credits start up and they are just the credits from the first film, apparently filmed off a TV screen." Reviewer Hammett writes, rather cleverly though incorrectly, "This film was poorly made with cheap effects and even worse acting. The characters are so wooden when delivering their lines that they should be standing out in front of a cigar store." And reviewer Kastore writes, "This is the most boring worthless piece of crap I've ever wasted an hour of my life on."

Needless to say, these opinions are not worth the paper they are printed on. Please continue reading so that you may fully appreciate Nick Millard's Criminally Insane II...

Monday, October 1, 2018

"My Heart's Just Fine as Long as My Stomach's Not Empty" - Criminally Insane (1975)


We now turn to an acknowledged classic of the horror genre, Criminally Insane (1975), directed by Nick Millard (aka Nick Philips).

Despite the film's acclaim, some critics in your universe refuse to give it the proper respect. For example, reviewer jwvongoethe1800 writes, "OH MY GOD WAS THIS MOVIE BAD....AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS!!! (especially the sequel)." Reviewer lemon_magic writes, "The dreariness and awfulness never let up, even for an instant." Reviewer BA_Harrison writes, "With a terrible script, not one appealing character, amateurish direction, editing that is more of a butcher job than any of Ethel's murders, and the most unrealistic gore imaginable (the blood looks like red emulsion, probably because it is), I didn't find this to be a case of 'so bad it's good' just plain bad."

Please read on and I will elucidate the unequaled qualities of Criminally Insane...